In the world of slasher sequels, Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers is still pretty highly regarded. It doesn’t come close to the original but that’s not surprising especially after the previous sequels in the franchise. Part II was apparently made to up the gore and body count that the first was sorely not lacking. The all-around awful part III was apparently created to kill the Halloween name altogether. Fortunately it did not succeed because then Danielle Harris would not be who she is today (for better or worse) and we would be denied arguably the best sequel in this quite uneven franchise.

After the success of the first two films, it’s obvious that Jamie Lee Curtis would be pretty hard to get back into the genre saddle again. Since writer Alan B. McElroy realized the importance of family from the first two (we haven’t yet reached Resurrection at least), the story was shifted from Laurie to Laurie’s daughter Jamie (Harris). While one of the cardinal rules of horror films states that a kid cannot die, McElroy and director Dwight Little get their merit badge in trying their best as poor 7-year-old Jamie is in danger from almost her first frame. Fortunately, there are plenty of more disposable characters to off as Michael miraculously awakes from a decade-long coma to stalk the young child. As this is a proper Halloween film, Dr. Loomis (Donald Pleasence) is back on the case as he hunts Michael in his marginal screentime.

The biggest reason that this film works while others in the series fail is that it does not have a seemingly deep hatred for the first. I’d imagine that most directors do not wish to work on a film solely to pay respect to a previous entry but when the alternative contains contempt for just about everything that made it great (see parts 5 and 7 for more), this is not a bad direction. Starting from the opening scene where a team of Myers-fodder is attempting to transfer him from one nuthouse to another, this installment is filled with little callbacks to the original that seem to escape the rest: Rachel (Ellie Cornell) mentions to Jamie that Laurie used to babysit her, Rachel’s friend is named Lindsey who could very well be the pig-tailed brunette from the first, etc. It even one-ups the original in that this portrayal of Haddonfield actually feels like a midwestern town in the throes of fall as opposed to Southern California with some colored leaves strewn here and there.

Most of all, this film jettisons the cardboard cutouts from the second and replaces them with real characters. The dynamic between Jamie and Rachel as foster sisters starts rather frosty but ends with Rachel risking life and limb for Jamie. The love angle between Rachel and Brady is a bit trite but it is not front and center, existing only as a moderate time filler. Hell, I’d wager the drunken rednecks are more richly developed characters compared to just about anyone in part 2. And even though this is taking place a decade later, most of the characters are not stupid enough to have to be brought up to speed about Myers and his reign of terror many moons ago. In fact, even though the security guard is saddled with some clunky exposition at the start, I appreciate that the filmmakers knew that all we’d need is a quick twenty seconds or so to explain how we got where we are. It doesn’t quite explain how Loomis escaped the fiery inferno with minor scarring and a limp, but whatever.

While it did have a few questionable moments of common sense (a trained deputy does not notice a stowaway in his backseat?) and horror movie sense (don’t go near the guy who has spent 80 minutes trying to kill you!), there is nothing here that is so dumb or out of place that distracts from the story. Even having watching this movie countless times, there are many sequences that still make me jump or put me on edge and that is one of the highest praises I can levy at a horror film. The shots are worthwhile and the chase scenes are still thrilling and you can’t help but think what the entire Halloween franchise would have been if this level of commitment was present throughout.

Despite seeing all the other movies in the franchise multiple times, I had never seen the Friday the 13th: A New Beginning of the Halloween series, Halloween III: Season of the Witch. Sure, I could deny that is because Michael Myers is absent in this installment but that would not be exactly accurate. Yet, over the years I have heard time and time again that this film would have a much better reputation if it did not have Halloween in the title. That may in fact be true. But it is still a shitty movie.

I cannot fault the filmmakers for jettisoning the lone silent, stalking killer after Halloween II. For starters, that was not really a great film to begin with and the Michael Myers story had come to a pretty conclusive ending. Even taking the Halloween title and shifting it to other stories of the season would have been a neat idea if the first attempt did not turn out as poor as this one did. Perhaps producer John Carpenter was trying his hand at crafting lackluster films that he would perfect a decade or so later. Or maybe Carpenter just slapped his name onto this as a quick money grab. Either way, the real culprit here is not Conal Cochran (Dan O’Herlihy), a man who wants to destroy the wholesome fun of Halloween but writer and director Tommy Lee Wallace.

The start of the story is actually decent beginning with Harry Grimbridge desperately running from silent and well-dressed killers while clutching a pumpkin mask. After a close call or two, Grimbridge escapes and winds up in a hospital under the care of Dr. Dan Challis (Tom Atkins). One of the well-dressed men enters the hospital and kills Grimbridge before fleeing from Challis and setting himself ablaze in his car. Challis is approached by Grimbridge’s daughter Ellie (Stacey Nelkin) who has suspicions about her father’s murder (you think?) and the two head off to Santa Mira, home of the Silver Shamrock novelty company headed by Cochran. The fantastical plot elements start withering away at my enjoyment as Challis and Ellie poke around the town, encounter some colorful locals, even more colorful visitors and the Old Man himself before he made his way up at OCP.

As I said, I had hopes for this towards the beginning in spite of the distinct lack of a notable modern monster. There were enough chase scenes and creepy encounters and music stings as the suited men dramatically enter the frame to keep me engaged for a bit. Yet, I can fully appreciate and agree with the #halloween3sucks hashtag that PBF used while watching this last year. I trust you all know of the magical way that we buy into movies, even ridiculous movies through our “suspension of disbelief.” I’m not sure what the opposite of that would be called but whatever it is, this movie has it in spades.

I could not get over just how ridiculous everything after the half-hour point or so was. Challis (a doctor, not a cop) has a strange encounter with a dead patient and a “flamer,” meets up with some chick and all of the sudden they are on the road to investigate. And then they’re shagging in the hotel room. And then they’re just staying in the hotel room instead of … well, investigating. And they don’t really seem to question the strange and almost abandoned town, the curfew, or the fact that a woman with her face blasted off is taken to a toy factory, not a hospital or even a damn veterinarian. Even though Atkins has more charisma than I do in my entire existence, these dumb-as-rocks characters only exist to provide me something to do while watching this film such as shaking my head in disbelief or gawking at the absurdity of it all.

Even worse though is the character of Cochran. He gives a fairly detailed explanation to a restrained and masked Atkins why he wishes to turn the heads of little trick-r-treaters into worms and snakes but … to be honest I wasn’t really paying attention. But what kind of business model does this man have? He spends his entire life amassing great wealth through novelty items like sticky toilet paper (someone get on this!) or wind-up whatevers for this sole purpose? Or was he really trying to just steal a piece of Stonehenge and that just happened to come about thereafter? His business practices aside, Cochran is worse than every Bond villain combined as he guides a leisurely stroll through the bowels of his factory to Challis saying things like “You’ll figure it out soon enough” before explaining every damn thing?

I really cannot imagine the purpose of this film. Is it a form of social commentary on evil businessmen and how they will do anything to get a buck? Or is it to speak on the silliness of kids dressing up and getting candy on a day traditionally tied to the slaughter of livestock for winter survival? Or is it simply to churn out something, anything, with the Halloween name on it to cash in on unsuspecting theater patrons? I don’t know and I really could care less. Even with PBF’s disdain for this film, I was hoping it would at least continue the series’ result of entertaining me. While admittedly this film did, it was assuredly for the wrong reasons.

Largely thanks to John Carpenter‘s original Halloween, the 80s were chock full of slasher flicks taking place everywhere from summer camps to sorority houses and everywhere in between with a collection of mostly bland, forgettable murderers. Everyone seems to remember this era fondly even though the sad reality dictates that most of these films are pretty bad with a few notable exceptions sticking out here and there. With the title, heroine, and villain notwithstanding, Halloween II would be more of the former than the latter.

In fairness, from the opening scene (largely cribbed from the end of the first), the film tips its hand and foreshadows what to expect: some excellence surrounded by cheap and lazy writing. Loomis’ magic seven bullet pistol and Myers’ leisurely stroll backwards up an obvious ramp cement that this is nowhere as thoughtfully planned or executed as the original. Returning writers Carpenter and Debra Hill take the interesting route of continuing this installment right after the conclusion of the last after Myers’ has escaped the nuthouse, killed a bunch of kids and adults (and a dog), and tried fruitlessly to off Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis).

Perhaps as a way of multiplying the low body count that no one complained of from the original, Laurie is taken to Haddonfield Memorial Hospital, otherwise known as the medicinal equivalent of Police Academy … or the malpractice warehouse. Doctors come in drunk, nurses show up late and disappear to fornicate in patients’ rooms or in a hottub, security guards are fat and clueless, and with the rest of incompetent boobs, all we’re missing is a Tackleberry character to complete the likeness. So of course Michael slips in under the watchful eye of no one and prowls around the abandoned corridors like a lost trick-r-treater.

I really dislike spending most of a review comparing a film to its far more successful forerunner but that is hard in horror films in general, especially here since it is so closely tied together with the preceding film. Yet, the most damning thing I think of against this film is that the writers and director Rick Rosenthal seemed to go out of their way to avoid carrying over anything great into this film. All of the new characters are merely set dressing waiting for their inevitable strangulation or scalpel in the back and due to their number, there is no reason to care for any of them. Bud can be easily identified as the crude, horny guy, Janet as the ditzy girl, Karen as the negligent nurse … it goes on and on. Only Jimmy (Lance Guest) has any deeper characterizations but even he is largely disposable.

Even though he didn’t have a huge part in the first, Donald Pleasence returning as Loomis feels like he is merely on a loop from the first film since he goes on the same rambling tirades about evil and death and Michael’s pleasant stay at Smith’s Grove but they are nowhere as entertaining this time around. And it’s questionable that Loomis, the man who watched over and studied Michael for a decade and a half didn’t even think to keep tabs on Laurie who Michael was clearly gunning for at the end of the last until he finds out that Michael and Laurie are related. Granted, Loomis didn’t know this early on but he was one step ahead of Michael the first go around. Now he’s desperately trying to catch up.

For all the quizzical choices made in the first two-thirds though, the final act thankfully ratchets things up as Michael finally stops dicking around and goes after Laurie. It is these last twenty minutes or so that make the film worthwhile as Michael pursues his sister through the bowels of the hospital. While the pursuit isn’t quite as tense as before, it does the job superbly helped by the cheesy synth music by Carpenter and now accompanied by Alan Howarth that actually fits well. Even though the ending isn’t as final as we would believe from this film, it does have a feeling of closure as Laurie once again escapes the throes of death while everyone else … well, doesn’t.

I am almost ashamed of myself from fifteen years ago for liking this more than the original. Sure, the body count is higher, there is more blood and gore than before, and even more classic horror elements like spring-loaded cats but the originality and heart of the first is sorely missing.

Originally published January 7, 2010

Surprisingly, I had been missing out on John Carpenter’s The Thing until a few years ago when a friend of mine turned me on to it. I thought it was a very effective movie and the DVD was great, featuring commentary by Carpenter and Kurt Russell as well as an in depth documentary on the making of the film. Sadly, my original DVD was not anamorphic so I had no desire to watch the film in recent years until I upgraded my disc to the re-release from a few years back. For some reason, I didn’t remember much from the film so it was almost like watching it for the first time all over again.

A loose remake of the 1951 film The Thing from Another World, Carpenter’s version puts us in the middle of an Antartic research team who uncover a monstrous alien who has already devastated another research camp. As the being infiltrates the tight group of men, it takes their appearance and mannerisms leading them to doubt as to who is human and who is not. It is a very simplistic story, one which has been ripped off (or maybe its an homage depending on where you stand) by other films and even TV series.

It works so well because it is very well-produced (one of Carpenter’s best in my opinion) and has a great confined atmosphere of dread. It is really not a scary movie. It has a few jumps but more importantly, it has a palpable tension especially as the characters start putting the pieces together and figuring out that something is not right.

One of the biggest standouts of the film is the effects by Rob Bottin to create the creature. As it changes from a dog to a venus-fly-trap-headed man to even as a man’s head separates from the rest of his body as the alien tries to survive, the visuals of the monster are genuinely frightening, never looking gimmicky or fake. This is a movie that special effects gurus should look to for why practical effects are much more effective and realistic than crap-looking CGI which may allow more creativity but destroys any credibility.

Its a real shame that Carpenter has been on a decline and all but disappeared over the past several years. While I haven’t seen all of his films, I have seen a fair amount to be able to tell the difference between old Carpenter classics like Prince of Darkness or Halloween and new Carpenter dreck like Village of the Damned and Ghosts of Mars. He seems to have returned to form recently with his well reviewed episode of Masters of Horror and his upcoming film The Ward.

Let’s hope that the threatened Thing remake either fizzles out or turns out to be decent. While it won’t destroy the original, I don’t think Carpenter could use another dud, even if its just in credit only.

With George Lucas’ 13th revision of Star Wars hitting Blu-ray recently, I figured I should honor that somehow. But not with those reviews. That would be painstaking. If you read old reviews of Mel Brooks‘ Spaceballs, the consensus is that it came far too late to be an effective parody of those famed sci-fi films. Funny enough though, I saw Spaceballs likely when I was under six and didn’t see Star Wars until well into high school. Thus, the spoof aspect never really stuck out to me. That’s fine because that part is only moderately funny.

Brooks’ film works best when it breaks the 4th wall and pokes fun at unrelenting merchandising of lunchboxes, flamethrowers, and toilet paper. I especially enjoy the one-off jokes such as the cross-eyed gunner Asshole or Mr. Rental. The cast is largely decent considering the unevenness of the story with John Candy, Brooks himself as two characters, and the lovely Daphne Zuniga as the standouts. Some laugh-out-loud moments exist but those are buried too far under countless bits that fail. Watch it for nostalgia’s sake but not to expect a good film. That is, until Brooks’ realizes the potential for a touched-up Special Edition.

So here is the second part of the podcast. We still discuss Ghostbusters for a bit, then we go all over the place, mostly memory lane.  But the funny is still there. Enjoy!

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What a fun podcast this was. We had Scott from 3smov Radio, Kenny from United Front Gaming, and The Dive Mistress from The Avod and Zombots! join us. We originally intended for the podcast to be about all things Ghostbusters. We did a good job sticking to that subject for about an hour. We then spent another hour talking about nostalgia and other random things. Enjoy the part 1 and stay tuned for part 2!

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For our 300th review, we decided to do something different. We chose my favorite comfort movie, Weekend at Bernie’s. It is mentioned all through this blog that I like this film but for some reason we had not reviewed it yet. For this review, however, we recorded a podcast of us watching it. We basically just make fun of it, but we do give it credit when it is due. Enjoy!

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I have no idea what Hollywood is thinking sometimes. With the constant remakes, reboots and re-imaginings of so many movies clogging up the theater it’s hard to find something … different. If it’s not a “classic” movie from only 10 years ago that is being shoved back in our faces, it’s the deluge of “Super Hero” movies filling every marquee in town. I, for one, am quite simply, sick of it. That is where Hobo with a Shotgun comes in.

It’s plain to see from the title alone that this is not your ordinary movie. When I first saw the box when it was released, I was skeptical. I have proven that I have a increasingly strange and probably unnatural love of bad movies. Having said that, even I don’t make a purchase on a whim knowing absolutely nothing of what I am plopping down my hard earned cash for. However after seeing some reviews online, twitter, and personal friends recommending the movie to me, I made my choice. (Quick side bar; I actually purchased the movie with the full intention of watching it that way, until it popped up on Netflix. Thus saving me the $20. Score!)

Hobo (as I will refer to it from here on to keep things short) stars a haggard-looking Rutger Hauer in the titular starring role. The character he plays is never given a name other than “Hobo” so it’s not like I am just forgetting it. The hobo rides into a new town on the rail car with nothing more than a bindle, cane, and the hopes of starting a fresh new life. Once in town Hobo soon realizes that this is not a happy place to make a new start. Crime is rampant in the streets. From the very beginning of the movie the hobo is witness to a brutal murder of a man at the hands of his very own brother and nephews. The murderers are “Slick”, “Ivan” and their father “The Drake”. Drake runs the town, and rules over the people inhabiting it with a bloody iron fist. Those that oppose him are brutally murdered. Hell, even those that DON’T oppose him are brutally murdered.

Hobo is trying to just stay out of the way, keep his head down, and turn his life around without dying. This all changes when he steps in to help save a prostitute’s life. Unfortunately for him he got on the bad side of “Slick” who is Drake’s more violent and sadistic son. Slick decides to take his revenge on the Hobo and the girl (Abby though she is credited as “Prostitute”). Well that is enough to send the hobo over the edge of crazy cliff. He snaps, buys a shotgun, and well… decides to kill just about everyone that gets in his way. In his own weird murderous way, he is just trying to clean up the town, and maybe take down an insane dictator along the way.

I was told that this movie would be one that was insanely bloody, gruesome, and more than most can handle. I guess that would have been the case if I hadn’t seen so many crazy Tokyo Shock movies before this one. There was only one scene that was kind of out of line involving children. However given that the ENTIRE movie was so crazy over the top, it wasn’t that bad. Also the payoff for that scene later in the movie makes it all worth while. For the most part, it was really bloody, sure, but nothing that any fan of gory horror movies isn’t accustomed to.

Surprisingly enough, the acting is pretty good. Hauer straddles the fine line between crazy and caring pretty well. Sure, he dips to one side or the other in certain scenes, but it never felt over played. I don’t think the rest of the cast has ever been in a movie before (at least not that I am familiar with) but they all do a great job. I actually really liked the guy that played “Ivan”. It felt like he stepped right off the set of some 80′s midnight movie and on to this one. One spot in the movie however was so completely OVER acted it was literally laugh out loud funny. I won’t spoil it but it involves a doctor and nurse that may be just a little stressed out at work and not willing to lose their patient. Hilarious, trust me.

Even though this was not a true “Hollywood” movie, the big production companies can learn a thing or two from Hobo. Sure it won’t win any Oscars or Golden Globes, but it was original and that goes a lot farther than a remake. It reminds me of “Planet Terror.” A movie with high production value, that was made for the one thing that people seem to have forgotten about… Fun. Going to the movies should be fun again, and this movie goes a long way to restoring my faith in future directors. Also, how can you go wrong with the line, “We’re going on a trip to hell, and you’re riding SHOTGUN!”

Republished with permission from 3SMOVRadio.com

My first exposure to Maniac Cop was from a poorly edited TV version recorded on VHS many years ago. I didn’t know it at the time but there was quite a lot of talent involved in the film. Written by Larry Cohen, directed by William Lustig, and starring the dynamic duo of Tom Atkins and Bruce Campbell, this movie had no excuse to either be entertainingly bad or just plain awesome. I must have been much more forgiving in my younger years since Maniac Cop is clever at times and somewhat insulting at others.

Given the production year of the movie, I am fairly confident in saying that it was inspired in part by the ongoing Friday the 13th series. The titular maniac is a large, brutal man dressed up in a police uniform. He kills random people as they are walking home or driving. He can’t be killed by bullets. He kills for revenge at a past injustice. This all seems familiar, doesn’t it? As the bodies of innocent New York City citizens start piling up, Detective Frank McCrae (Tom Atkins) believes the murderer is a cop to the chagrin of Commissioner Pike (Shaft!). The police believe Officer Jack Forrest (Bruce Campbell) to be the killer even though McCrae has doubts and instead investigates a former cop believed to be dead. Maniac Cop has a nice ring to it but Zombie Cop … that’s even better.

Maniac Cop is not a good movie. It reeks of 80s cheese attempting to capitalize on the slasher trend featured in the F13 or Halloween series. But since this isn’t a horror movie (at least it doesn’t come off as one), the undead-ish killer breaking necks or drowning them in cement surrounded in lower budget action scenes is odd. Given that the setting is the shithole of late 80s NYC, there perhaps is some commentary intended about police society or the willingness of people to trust a cop but if it’s there, it is very latent.

Given that this movie was a low budget affair, I can almost forgive some of the bland scenery and wax-on/wax-off facial scarring of the maniac, but there is no excuse to waste both Tom Atkins and Bruce Campbell, one who doesn’t show up until twenty minutes in and the other who is gone around the halfway point. The plot itself does not make much sense. The Maniac Cop kills random people but is really targeting the Commissioner and attempts to frame Forrest, yet still kills when he is imprisoned. And he stabs a cop yet apparently takes a coffee break and then decides to attack the woman handcuffed to the cop. And he is undead but not really … which wouldn’t explain how he can take a bullet with ease.

The acting ranges from pretty good (Atkins and Campbell) to pretty horrible (the crippled woman) almost effortlessly. The music by Jay Chattaway is really good with a haunting, yet simple, theme that would prevail in the following movies. And since horror is a non-issue (although that would help with the ridiculous plot holes), at least the action in the movie is pretty good with gunfights and car chases that you wouldn’t otherwise see in an uninspired slasher flick. There’s always the next one to make up for it. Oh wait …