The film follows the novel ‘Between a Rock and a Hard Place’ written by Aron Ralston, the mountaineer who survived the film’s central event in 2003. So that would make this the third time Ralston has experienced it, each time from a slightly different perspective. The film opens with a strange triptych of cycling images, most of which feature crowds of people moving through time-lapse photography. Soon, we focus in on Aron, played by James Franco, preparing for his weekend excursion in the darkness of night. The cinematography meticulously shows us just about everything Aron is taking with him, as well as a few items he leaves behind. After packing, and ignoring a phone call from his mother, Ralston drives out into the desert to Utah’s isolated Canyonlands National Park. Saturday begins with some mountain biking across the arid and rocky landscape as Ralston videotapes himself with a small digital camcorder. After a few hours, Aron leaves his bike behind and heads down a series of large rocks on foot, and runs into a pair of amateur hikers, who also happen to be cute girls and lost. Aron approaches Kristi (Kate Mara) and Megan (Amber Tamblyn) and offers to guide them through the canyon. He takes them through a narrow pass, informs them of the name of the canyon (Blue John Canyon) as well as it’s history as a hiding place for Butch Cassidy, and eventually leads them to a a large, underground pool. The group spends some time swimming and goofing off before parting ways. The girls invite Aron to a party later and give him some vague directions and tell him to look for a giant inflatable Scooby Doo to find the party.

After responding that he might go to the party, Aron heads off on his own, climbing through the canyon. While trying to lower himself down from the opening of the canyon, he puts his weight on a round rock that is a little larger than a beach ball and seems securely wedged into the surrounding formation. The rock gives way and tumbles down, along with Aron, to almost the bottom of the small canyon. Aron manages to catch himself, but the rock he accidentally pulled loose wedges itself between the narrow canyon walls and traps his right hand in the process. From this point on, we get to see an amazing series of events, all in one place and with a single actor holding up the entire story. One of the images from this film that will always stick with me is right after Aron is trapped and the initial freak out where he is smashing his shoulder into the boulder to try and shimmy it loose. Once he realizes that he is stuck, Aron begins to scream for help, calling for the two women with whom he had just been hiking. The camera looks down on Aron from above, and he throws his head back to yell. When he does, the view begins to lift out of the canyon, getting farther and farther away from him until the audience could no longer hear his cries, and all we could see was the vast and empty Utah landscape. This really hammered home a sense of isolation and hopelessness in a way that only a movie can. The real meat of the film consists of Aron’s efforts to free himself, keep track of his supplies and resources, wade through his thoughts memories that fade in and out between hallucinations, and even accept his inevitable fate, going so far as to carve his name, birth date, and death date into the canyon wall beside him and leave a far well message to his family via his digital camcorder. After the compressed six days, Aron does eventually find a way to liberate himself (and it is a traumatic series of images and sounds to absorb) but the best part of this film is Aron’s emotional journey between getting trapped and freeing himself, and Danny Boyle and James Franco do a brilliant job of bringing that struggle to life.

Now, with all that out of the way, this movie opens with a team of archaeologists exploring a cave and some of the most horrific line deliveries in recorded history. Throughout this picture the acting ranges in quality from stiff and unnatural to hammy and laughable, but what we get inside the first five minutes of screen time is absolutely terrifying.  Thankfully, the acting never gets any worse than this and most of these guys in the cave get torched after one of the diggers hits a glowing rock with a hatchet. A couple of years later, one of the surviving archaeologists from earlier, Dr. Campbell, (Richard B. Livingston) is heading an excavation to unearth a massive dinosaur skeleton. A photojournalist is dispatched to the sight who’s name escapes me because he serves no purpose to the plot other than to introduce the audience to other, more important characters. He meets Campbell’s sometimes British assistant Holly, (Donna Philipson) and Campbell’s old and seemingly insane associate Dr. Hughes. (Harrison Young) Hughes has come to warn everyone that the skeleton they are uncovering, which he calls Yonggary, will destroy mankind. He apparently learned this from some unexplained prophecy written in hieroglyphics in that cave from the opening scene. Of course no one buys this prophecy crap, not even I do and I watched the whole movie, and Dr. Hughes is escorted out of the camp. It turns out that there have been a lot of ominous and plot convenient fatal accidents happening around the dig site, but Dr. Campbell acts like a monomaniacal ass hole the entire time and tries to play them off as run-of-the-mill industrial accidents and threatens people to keep quiet about them.

At the same time the military, represented here by the very fictional United National Defense Agency, is having trouble with some missing satellites. Turns out there’s a big, badly rendered alien spaceship special effect orbiting the Earth, and the hand puppet aliens inside, that also speak English, are here to wipe out humanity and conquer the planet. For what reason, we don’t know, but they intend to do this thing by reanimating the giant fossilized skeleton. The evil insectoid aliens, because there are no good insectoid aliens, fire a massive energy beam down to Earth that resurrects Yonggary and puts muscle and skin back on him. In typical monster movie fashion, Yonggary, who is being controlled by the aliens via a diamond shaped device on his forehead, is set loose to destroy humanity. Let me just recap that. The aliens came to Earth two hundred million years ago, found a giant monster (apparently the only one of its kind) fitted it with a brain control device, then let it die and waited for hundreds of millions of year to come back to Earth, which they knew would eventually be controlled by the human race, and then bring a fossilized monster, which has just recently been conveniently unearthed, back to life to kill all humans. That is their master plan. Why not just return to Earth while humans are still living in caves and conquer the Earth then? How about invade Earth with more than one battleship and wipe out civilization yourselves? But it’s this flimsy premise that finally gets us to the giant monster wrecking stuff portion of the film. Anyway, after the fake army throws helicopters and jets at the monster to no avail, they turn to a newer, more high-tech option to take the monster down. That option is to send in guys wearing jet-packs and fly around Yonggary like tiny, foul mouthed gnats and shoot at him with assault rifles. The strike vehicles with missiles and large caliber guns didn’t work, so they send in smaller, less well armored troops with smaller guns to finish the job. How does this make any logical sense? Needless to say, there are a lot of holes in this plot. It’s just to bad that the giant monster they’re shooting at is so bland, unoriginal, and badly made. If I was director Shim Hyung-rae and I saw these lifeless, rubbery, completely unnatural looking creature effects during production, I would have scrapped those scenes and re-shot them with a man in a foam-rubber Yonggary costume. This computer generated abomination actually looks worse than the worst guy-in-a-rubber-suit effect.

On top of all the acting, writing, and special effects problems, this movie is so full of cliches and scenes that seem almost completely ripped off from other films that I had to watch it twice just to find them all. It follows all of the giant monster movie tropes that have been cultivated over three decades of kaiju cinema. Aliens start out in control the creature to use as a super weapon to crush humanity. The monster runs a muck in a major city. All of the major human characters are either scientists, in the military, or in the news media. And, after Yonggary is freed from his alien overlords, those aliens bring in another monster so the two beasts can slug it out in a major metropolitan area. However, the film seems to take more inspiration from certain Roland Emmerich movies than it does from classic monster films. The aliens bare a striking resemblance to the invaders from Independence Day, and there are several scenes involving fighter pilots firing missiles and spouting jargon that sounds like it was lifted right out of that film. The director also makes the mistake of trying to recreate several scenes from the 1998 American Godzilla, including Yonggary dueling with a squadron of helicopters and many instances of missiles failing to lock on to the creature and striking nearby buildings instead. I’m sure one could make a wonderful drinking game out of this movie. Every time the old crazy guy mentions something about the supposed prophecy that no body cares about, take a shot. Every time you see a bad composite image, take a shot. Every time Holly forgets to talk with her British accent, take a shot. Every time there’s a scene where the stupid aliens talk about something that we just saw happen on screen thirty seconds ago, take a shot. Come to think of it, where is my bourbon? I need to drink the pain away.

Honestly, the only things I knew about this kid before writing this article what that he was a singer and that he was popular with squealing pre-teen girls.  The mind- boggling bit about this film is that it is a documentary/biopic about his life and career.  There are only two reasons I can think of for making a biographical film about a boy this early in his life.  Either he has some sort of terminal illness that he hasn’t told anyone about yet and is not long for this world, or the producers and promoters in charge of this project realize that he is a flash-in-the-pan pop star and need to make a movie quick before his marketability is lost and Bieber fades into obscurity and alcoholism.  Don’t believe me?  Well, the movie is also coming out in ‘Real D’ 3D for no other reason than to insure that all the kiddies (excuse me, all the parents of the kiddies) will have to pay $12.00 a pop to watch this pointless fiasco.  No, this venture doesn’t have the stink of “Cash Grab” radiating from it at all.  Honestly, what has he done his life that so damn amazing that it must be captured for ever and always in movie form?  Pop singers like him have been chewed up by the recording industry and spat out like cheap bubble gum for decades.  He never had to cut off his own arm with a pocket knife to escape from a canyon like Aron Ralston.  He’s no Charlie Wilson, or Julia Childs even.  I will concede that, through the tiny amount of research that I have done, Justin looks like a gifted musician with a lot of potential.  Hell, at some point in the future he may become the greatest singer/songwriter in the history of mankind, or he could discover the cure for AIDS or male-pattern baldness. (anything is possible)  But, at this point in his career, he’s just a mouthpiece for a record label that’s squeezing as much money as possible out of excitable tweens with horribly bad taste in music.  The only thing that’s even remotely different from the legions of garish pop musicians that have come before is that he was discovered on You Tube.  Seriously, that’s it.  If you’re so much of a sheep that you’re excited about seeing this film (in unnecessary 3D, no less) then you diverse to be separated from your money, but anyone that can think for himself or herself is going to stay far, far away from this trite piece of trash, and rightfully so.

The story centers around two Americans stranded on the wrong side of the infected zone. One is Andrew (Scoot McNairy) a photographer and the other is Samantha (Whitney Able) the over-privileged daughter of Andrew’s boss back in the states. Andrew is called from his journalistic endeavors to locate Samantha and escort her to a boat that will sail her around the infected zone so she can get married to some dude that is not important. While Andrew does get Samantha to the ferry safely, her incredibly overpriced ticket is stolen and there will be no other boats to take her home. Samantha then pawns her engagement ring for the money needed to hire a group to lead the two through the infected zone back to the U.S. boarder. Things do not go well as those hired to lead them through the jungles and ruined cities are killed off one night when a giant spidopus flattens their convoy. Andrew and Samantha now have to make it on foot by themselves back to the U.S. This movie is a great idea on paper and I was very excited when I heard the concept and that it was all being shot in a guerrilla style on a tiny budget with almost all of the extras being the residents of the various locations in which they filmed. There are only two complaints I can level at this movie, but they are big complaints. First, the actors that director Gareth Edwards got for the two leads, who must carrying the entire film, are not very well-layered or convincing actors. Many of the parts that should have been heavy moments when they were reacting to the vast amounts of devastation or witness to people being slaughtered by the creatures came off as stiff and amateurish. Their roles required a lot of subtlety, but Scoot and Whitney were just not experienced enough yet to handle such roles for a full ninety minutes. The second complaint is that the monsters in this film looked too much like a regular Earth octopus. These are supposed to be creatures that evolved in an entirely different ecosystem. Whoever was in charge of creature design really messed up here. I can see why it would be beneficial for the aliens to have traits that the human brain can recognize and relate to other things, but putting an octopus on stilts strikes me as lazy and uncreative.

At the same time, a trio of teens head into the desert to see what people in the town had reported as some kind of plane crash. Penny (Sarah Smyth) and Dick (Andrew Dunbar) stay in the car while Cody (Aaron Brooks) looks around for a bit. While Cody is gone, the young couple is attacked by the Ghota and, in an attempt to escape, run into a pair of local cops. In true B movie fashion, the two officers (one of which is played by Robert Patrick) are very skeptical and critical of the teen’s claims of being attacked by a creature, and the group is hauled off to the station. Meanwhile, Tammy (Jenni Baird) a waitress who is out driving on a errand, sees Urp as Ted walking down the side of a desert road. She pulls over to pick him up, and after a lengthy conversation where Urp discusses his home planet and his current dilemma, Tammy agrees to help him stop the Ghota. This film has a strange dichotomy to it, where it seems to want to take itself seriously on some level, but will also point at itself and laugh from time to time. If the film were going for humor all the time by being intentionally bad, then I feel it would be pointless as anyone can make a bad movie on purpose. Most people probably wouldn’t enjoy this film, but if you grew up on corny sci-fi like I did, then it’s a nice little treat.

It isn’t until the main group make it down to the street level that we find out just what is causing the disaster. While most people run for cover as something very large moves through the near-by streets, one of Jessica’s friends named Marlena (Lizzy Caplan) was in a state of shock after seeing a creature move through the city eating people. If you haven’t seen this yet, then you need to. It holds the distinction of not only succeeding in being a fantastic monster movie, but also being a fantastic movie in general with good performances from relatively unknown actors (which helps with the believability of the found footage) and a well written set of larger than life circumstances that the characters must endure. The monster’s design is one of the most original I have seen in a while, and considering how many monster related movies I watch, that’s saying something. I will admit that this is not going to be everybody’s cup of tea, especially if you find guerrilla-style or “shaky-cam” photography annoying or distracting in any way. For what it’s worth, this is one of the best giant monster movies out there, and many of its memorable moments are character related bits that don’t even feature the creature. Find it. Watch it. Love it.

While one would expect that all of the danger is outside the store, although the many things could very easily break through the front windows, the group of people inside the store begin to fight amongst themselves. This is where the movie gets very interesting, you know, beyond it just having a bunch of slime beasties trying to eat people. The major division starts with old Brent, who has convinced himself and a few other people that there are no creatures in the mist. He and some of his supporters of the no monster theory leave early on. While all this is going on, an odd and some what annoying woman named Mrs. Carmody (Marcia Gay Harden) has been trying to convince everyone that this event is actually the biblical apocalypse and is trying to save the souls of as many people in the store as possible. Now, in theory, this doesn’t seem like a very destructive idea, but Mrs. Carmony goes pretty Old Testament with this plan and starts convincing most of the people in the store that she knows everything about what’s going on. So, we have giant bugs and pterodactyls and tentacles outside and a religious zealot directing a group of scared and desperate people inside. In the middle of all this sits David and his son, just trying to find a way out. The monster effects here are well done considering the relatively low budget the film had (around $18 million) but are still obviously computer generated. The monsters look much better when they are obscured inside the mist. Now, many people I know say that this movie was ruined for them due to the ending, and I’m not going to spoil the final scene, but it has a polarizing effect on audiences. At the very least, I will say that this is not a “feel good” ending, but keep in mind that this is a horror story, so deal with it.

Otis, of course, does not believe that Preston saw what he thinks he saw, and refuses to let Preston warn the rest of the girls or call the police. Preston, being the smart guy that he is, uses his laptop to send a text message to Karen’s phone that she dropped when abducted. Elsewhere in the woods, a trio of men including the farmer from earlier Billy, (Rex Linn) the local general store clerk Buddy, (Jeffrey Combs) and Lance Hedrickson as some random hunter are out looking for whatever ate Billy’s horse. Lance heads off after a noise in the woods thinking it’s a bear and readies his shotgun. He enters a cave where he finds the missing Karen, but now her intestines are hanging out, and she gets dragged into the darkness. Lance runs back to the camp to warn his friends, but each f them gets picked off by the Sasquatch. Later that night, after the rest of the girls have found Karen’s phone and know she is missing, Preston continues to try and contact them that the creature is still lurking about. There are a lot of things about this movie that are fantastic. Matt McCoy has definitely improved as an actor since DeepStar Six, and his character presents a very vulnerable point of view for the audience to watch the movie unfold. Bigfoot is, by the very nature of the monster, is always best created as a big guy in a suit, and this Bigfoot has a great, menacing look and has very expressive facial mechanics. As a Sasquatch movie, Abominable stands tall over it’s low-budget predecessors.

Both Hudgens and Carnby are racing to collect all the little gold puzzle pieces that will reopen the portal, Hudgens so that he can ally himself with the dark world monsters, and Carnby so he can keep that portal closed. Carnby links up with his ex-girlfriend Aline Cedrac (Tara Reid) who is supposed to be a scientist of some kind, but for whatever reason, I just don’t buy Tara Reid as the scientist type. One of the dark monsters is released by a pirate (don’t ask) and tracks Carnby and Cedrac to the museum where she works to attack them. The monster is kind of a boney-looking dog that is sometimes invisible and sometimes not. While running from the CG dog creature, the agents of a secret government paranormal paramilitary group called 7-13 (not 7-11) storm the museum to shoot the monster a few times before it escapes. Commander Burke (Sephen Dorff) leads the team, and he is not happy to see Carnby at the scene. Carnby used to work for 7-13 after he escaped from the orphanage, but wait, Hudgens also work for 7-13 in an advisory capacity, and he works at the museum with Aline Cedrac. So why is it that none of these people know that Professor Hudgens is an evil douche bag that is putting dark world centipedes into people’s spines to turn them evil, and has been doing this for twenty years? The fact that this malformed story is supposedly based on a popular survival horror game that relied on quite, subtle atmosphere and legitimately scary situations makes the final product all the more disappointing.  This movie is so bad, so disgustingly bad on every level that it’s hard to express in words alone. Stay far, far away from this twisted mockery of a film, unless you have a few friends around, a ready supply of alcohol, and a high tolerance for pain.

The Xilians attempt to sell themselves to the people of Earth as wanting to help the planet avert a major disaster involving a gigantic meteor on a collision course. I guess Ben Afleck isn’t available to blow this one up. Anyway, Miyuki discovers that the genetic information from the ancient monster Gigan that they found is identical to that of the Xilians, as well as many of Earth monsters and the mutation that enables the enhanced abilities of the EDF’s mutant soldiers. As usual, people should never trust an alien as the Xilians turn out to be evil and are secretly trying to take over the world. When the Xilians are outed on national television for capturing and impersonating the head of the U.N. the evil aliens release all of the monsters under their control to destroy all of Earth’s major cities. Ozaki, who is the only mutant soldier able to resist the Xilian’s influence, takes Miyuki and legendary EDF Captain, Douglas Gordan (Don Frye) the only American actor in the film, and they take the warship Gotengo to release Godzilla from his icy prison in hopes that he will not be able to be controlled by the aliens, as he was created from nuclear fallout. When Godzilla is freed, he goes on a rampage and fights giant monster after giant monster on his way to Tokyo to take out the Xilian mother ship, and that’s what the audience has been waiting for the whole time. The second half of the film is almost entirely monster on monster violence, and even though most of the individual confrontations are pretty short, the sheer volume of monsters smacking each other makes it worth while. Most of the creature effects are shot with traditional monster suits and miniatures, but a few of the shots use computer generated monsters, like the giant mantis Kamacuras and the snake-like Manda. This is a bombastic send off to the franchise and goes overboard on action TO THE EXTREME! It has people fighting people, stuff exploding, a monster with giant chainsaw hands, lasers blowing up cities, aliens kung-fu fighting at super speeds, sword fights, and of course, Godzilla being a supreme bad-ass, and it is glorious.