If Bloody Disgusting is to be believed (and who would make up crap like this?), then Lionsgate is looking to continue the roller-coaster-of-quality ride that is the Texas Chainsaw Massacre series. And this time, they are making it in 3D! Which I assume means that Leatherface and the rest of the Hewitt/Voorhees/whatever family will be awkwardly jutting things into the camera to make you less pissed that you paid $14 for another crap sequel.

In talks for the directorial duties is John Luessenhop, who you might remember from … wait, did anyone actually see Takers? I guess we can presume if Platinum Dunes is involved it will feature sweaty “teen” stars from various WB TV shows who breakdown in the middle of Texas and get slaughtered in another attempt to further destroy the legacy of the original film. There were also rumors of a cult being involved. Does this sound like a good idea to anyone?

Update: Apparently not to PBF who has previously expressed his outrage over this property saying:
“What’s alarming is the Leatherface 3D film that is planned for 2013. Besides the decision to continue the story, the fact that it will be in 3D, just infuriates me. This just needs to stop.”

Guess what? I kind of liked this one. If nothing else, I appreciate that The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning adheres to the previously established storyline, etc. of the preceding film.

Same basic plot is once again employed; small group of young adults travelling through Texas for one reason or another are interrupted in their trip and fall into the hands of  Leatherface and whatever random family he is with this time. In this installment we witness the “origin” of Leatherface, or Thomas Hewitt (in this universe). His mother works in a slaughter house and dies giving birth to him while on the job. Her boss, throws the baby (Leatherface) away in a dumpster. He is found by a member of the Hewitt family and taken to the plantation house from the previous film. Thomas ends up working at the same slaughterhouse but it gets closed down. Thomas kills his boss (the very same one that threw him away) and is stopped on the road by the only law enforcement person in an ever deteriorating town. Charlie Hewitt shoots the deputy (as he is Thomas’s uncle) and kills him, and takes Thomas back home,  also assuming the role of  Sheriff.  Meanwhile, Eric and his brother Dean, travelling with their girlfriends end up having a car accident and unfortunately become victims of the Hewitt family.

Nothing satisfying happens as a result of seeing “the beginning.” In fact, “the beginning” is really just the birth. We sort of see pieces of Thomas’s life during the credits (killing animals as a child, etc.), there really is no complete transformation from Thomas to Leatherface. Just troubled birth to insane person. Honestly, it doesn’t really matter, but you would kind of want to see maybe a study of young Thomas and his progression, what with the “the beginning” part of the title.

The film is quite brutal. Unlike the first film, most of the violence happens on screen, but it is necessary. This is just an ugly film and it makes sense to see the nastiness.

The main thing that separates and makes this better than the rest of the films is that is continues (or restarts, as it is a prequel) the previous storyline and makes sense. Combined with the previous film, it remakes, and continues. The first 4 films really can all exist on their own, and the fact that they are so different and yet are included in the cannon as sequels just piss me off. This film and its predecessor are dark, new visions of the story and on their own are not bad horror films. Still not as good as the original, but not as insulting as the middle section of this franchise.

I still hold my opinion that there really only needs to be the original film and no others. What’s alarming is the Leatherface 3D film that is planned for 2013. Besides the decision to continue the story, the fact that it will be in 3D, just infuriates me. This just needs to stop.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is the first of many remakes by Platinum Dunes. While I feel it is better than most of their others, I still question the need of making any sequel, remake or otherwise to the original.

In this “chapter,” we are taken to August 18, 1973, two days before the police archive video we watch takes place, complimented with narration by, once again, John Larroquette. 5 young people are travelling to a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert in a van all stoned and having a good time. The driver, Kemper (Eric Balfour), almost hits a girl wandering in the middle of the rural road they are travelling. They pick her up, only to be subjected to her ramblings about a “bad man” and eventually her suicide, via a handgun produced from her crotch. Traumatized they attempt to find local law enforcement in the backwoods that they are travelling in and come across a gas station. The old lady working there says that the sheriff is at the mill but he will be there in 2 hours. Not wanting to haul around a carcass, the group of young people seek out the mill, with the hitchhiker’s body in tow. They come across a young boy, who tells them that the sheriff is at home getting drunk. Erin (Jessica Biel) and Kemper go the house, which merely produces an amputee in a wheelchair, who states that the sheriff does not live there, but Erin, and only Erin may go in to use the phone to call the sheriff. She is told that he will be there in 30 minutes, but he (R. Lee Ermey) actually shows up at the mill, “investigates,” and wraps up the hitchhiker’s body in cling wrap, stuffs her in the trunk  and drives off. While this is going on, Kemper is killed by Leatherface (now called Thomas Hewitt, as opposed to just Leatherface, or  Leatherface “Bubba” Sawyer, Leatherface  ”Junior” Sawyer or Leatherface Slaughter as he has been up to this point) unbeknown to Erin as she makes her way back to the mill. Guess what? More chainsaw massacre!

I am really over this shit. Not only does the bizarrely weird timeline of this franchise bother me, I just don’t get the point of going on. I mean, I can buy that this one could be an attempt to redeem the series from where it went awry, but even so I can’t help but compare it to the original from which it is a supposed remake. If I do that, it sucks. Indeed, there are not many films (of any genre) if any at all, that compare to such a film as the 1974 original.

As an autonomous horror film, it isn’t bad. Jessica Biel, and everyone else is good.  I mean it doesn’t stand out, but it plays the formula well. False scares, gruesome murders. But, the original is special (at least to me). Why keep attaching its name? Oh, I see. Because Leatherface is in every one. Doesn’t matter that he seems to float through time and end up with different families.  Doesn’t matter that the story may change or stay the same or even be non linear; as long as his name is on it, who gives a shit? Well, it bothers me. And as each one applies the TCM name, it just angers me more that it is related to such a perfect film as the original.

I mean, Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th (both remade by Platinum Dunes) were not aesthetically great films, but their sequels were in kind. The original Chainsaw was a brilliant vision. Years ahead of the aforementioned less quality sequelheads, and it just seems to be an insult a chapter.

You could definitely do worse as a horror film in general, but this remake only serves to show the gore that the original did not (and incidentally was so successful for not showing) in quite a less tension filled execution. It really feels like we are getting robbed more, each film after another.

This piece of shit is the most insulting installment in the Chainsaw franchise. Without question. And if you disagree, you are wrong. I really hate Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation.

Honestly, the specifics of the plot do not matter. It’s the same basic shit. A group of kids get lost in the backwoods of Texas for whatever reason and they run across random strangers that all end up members of the same murderous cannibalistic family with a different last name, depending on what sequel we’re in. This time the family’s last name is Slaughter. W.E. (mentioned as the only apprehended family member to stand trial in part III’s narration ) is in this one, which takes place in 1994, which contradicts ONLY THE ENTIRE PREVIOUS TIMELINE. I fucking swear to God, did no one see how sloppily this franchise was put together? Also, yet again, Leatherface is here, but with a completely different family. Also, once again, there is narration referring to the events of the first film, which I have come to the conclusion only serves to piss off the viewer. So, more death, more chasing with a chainsaw.

This really is a horrible film. The writing is terrible. The acting is really not all that bad considering what they had to work with. Leatherface is now a cross-dressing, screaming retard. The most unbelievably fucked up part of this film is that after we are subjected to the most shitty, sacrilegious (in comparison to the original) pile of trash we have ever seen thus far, we are handed some bizarre storyline where the family is part of some international alien government program and is assigned to kill and/or torture people. In fact, this is but one of many families across the world that do the same. I would rather this film just showed a title card that read “fuck you” for the entire runtime, than have me watch the events of this film.

All of the above makes it almost impossible to tell the story coherently which it most certainly was not. Especially with the outer space storyline explained in the 2nd half of the film. It was like two pieces of shit from different farm animals sewn together into one giant, smelly, differently textured dung log.

I should mention that Renee Zellweger and Matthew McConaughey are in it. Not that it matters.

There is not one thing in this film that is enjoyable. It also serves no purpose in the entire series. This could, and should utterly not exist and it would make no difference. It is the antithesis of the original. I cannot swear enough to describe how much I hate it.

I really am almost at a loss for words after watching Leatherface. I really have no fucking idea what I just watched.

The film opens with a narration that refers to the event of the first film. We learn that Sally died in a mental health facility in 1977. One of the Saywers, W.E. Sawyer, was put on trial and given the gas chamber. The jury apparently concluded that Leatherface was another personality of W.E. The narration suggests that this may or may not have been correct, and if not, Leatherface is still at large. Either way, the events of 1973 were just the beginning. We are then planted somewhere between the first 2 films (from what I can gather) and meet Michelle and Ryan. They are travelling from Los Angeles to Florida to deliver the Mercedes they are driving. They stop at a gas station and meet a creepy attendant and a hitchhiker. As Michelle uses the bathroom, Alfredo (the attendant) watched through a whole in the wall. He and Tex (the hitchhiker, played by Viggo Mortensen) get into a scuffle over it and Alfredo shoots Tex as Michelle and Ryan speed away. A truck chases them and someone throws a dead coyote on their car causing them to stop. As they are changing a tire, Leatherface attacks them with a chainsaw, only damaging the vehicle. The speed off again only to end up crashing after seeing Tex in the road. Another driver, Benny, crashes as well. Another driver, Tinker, stops and at first appears to want to help Benny. We find out that he was the driver in the truck that was chasing Michelle and Ryan. We also end up learning that Tinker, Tex and Alfredo are all part of the Sawyer clan and that they watch the road for travelers to kill and eat. Guess what? Another chainsaw massacre happens!

I don’t know what this film is supposed to be. A sequel is directly suggested, what with the part III in the title, and the mention of previous characters in the beginning. However, at the end of the last film, it seems like all the Sawyers died. If they did not, I sure would like an explanation on how they survived (and where they are). Probably the most confusing part of this film is that Sawyer family was entirely different, other than Leatherface and Grandpa. However, in this installment, Grandpa was dead. Also, Leatherface apparently has a daughter. All of this made absolutely no sense.

The film was not scary at all. Probably the least scared one could be with chainsaws involved. The acting was not terrible if you can make it through some scenes that had missed cues large enough to drive a car through. This really was just a train wreck.

There were way too many references to the first film. Alfredo has a Polaroid camera and tries to charge for a picture he takes, as the hitchhiker from the fist film did. There was also yet another dinner scene that was nowhere near as frightening than the first. The little girl’s doll is named Sally.

Really, I spent the majority of the film trying to figure out where it fits in the TCM universe than what was going on. It was not entertaining and is just a generic horror film. It lacks any originality and did nothing to further a story along (that doesn’t really need to keep going anyway). Quite simply, this film does not need to exist.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 is quite a different film from its predecessor. I hold the original in very high regard for reasons that were absent from this film. That does not make it a bad film, however.

Through some narration, we learn that Sally, the only survivor of the previous film was able to tell the story of what happened to her, her brother and friends, but goes catatonic afterward. There was a search conducted but no trace of the Sawyer family (Leatherface, et al) was found. However, there continued to be gruesome chainsaw related killings across the state of Texas for thirteen years. That brings us to the present. Two high school kids are travelling through Texas, drinking and shooting road signs. They call a local radio station that they are listening to and start bothering the DJ, Stretch (Caroline Williams). They play chicken with a truck and run it off the road. Hours later, the kids call Stretch again and while on the phone are stopped by the same truck from their game of chicken. The truck runs along side of them, and Leatherface jumps out. He saws up the car and eventually cuts off half the head of the driver causing the car to crash. The entire event is recorded on an audio cassette (a now dead format that music was distributed on). Lt. Lefty Enright (Dennis Hopper) who has been trying to find the chainsaw killers, arrives at the scene to the dismay of local cops, who eventually let him stay. We learn that Lefty is Sally and Franklin’s Uncle, which is fueling his need to find the killers. He convinces the local P.D. to publish an article about the incident in the paper in the hopes to attract any witnesses. It does, as Stretch brings the cassette to Lefty’s hotel room. Not really convinced that it would help, he sends her away. Stretch is also covering a the chili cook off and the winner turns out to be Drayton Sawyer, who tell that his secret is to not  ”skimp on the meat.” Lefty visits the radio station and convinces Stretch to pay the cassette on the air, which she does, every hour. As he is driving his mobile “restaurant” Drayton gets a call (car phone) from a family member instructing him to turn on the radio. He hears the tape and the Sawyer family make a visit to the station. At this point, the Chainsaw Massacre begins. Again.

To clarify my earlier statement, the reason why I like the first film so much was because of its documentary like presentation and shocking realism. This installment had a much larger budget, was more like an actual horror film, and had much better acting. Again, this does not make it a bad film (especially in comparison to some of the later sequels). However, I really don’t think it was necessary to make this film.

The first film on its own could not have been done any better. We see one incident in which a group of friends are mercilessly killed at the hands of a family of cannibalistic lunatics. It ends, with no real resolve, leaving open wounds on the viewer. It was shocking, and somewhat mysterious in a fascinating way, as this was surely but one of many events like this. That was enough. There was no need to show any further “adventures” of the Sawyers.

That being said, even though the choice was made to make a sequel, it wasn’t a terrible follow up (probably due to Tobe Hooper’s involvement). It is clear that Hooper was placing more of an emphasis on comedy, as there was a lot of insane ramblings spouted off by Chop-Top, the twin brother of the hitchhiker from the first film. He was also a Vietnam vet who may or may not have had PTSD, and a bit of a hippie (what?) which I thought was a bit much. It’s kind of like he was given a bunch of problems to emphasize his lunacy. Killing people and eating them is enough, I get it. Be that as it may, it was not really all that over the top (with the exception of a skeleton on a bomb ala Dr. Strangelove). I guess, though, it was also really not that funny. Just creepy. Which worked.

The film was well directed and acted and full of gore. Because of this, it felt a bit detached from the first. While the first was well directed, the acting was not that great, and the gore was minimal. In that respect, what it did was continue the story of the Sawyers, in what seemed like a film that could stand on it’s own. The first one really did nothing for this one with the exception of supplying Lefty with a motive. But that was easily established with a bit of forced exposition early in the film.

I kind of view this as an alternate version of the first film that wasn’t quite as good. Ultimately, I would rather this franchise just be the first film. We don’t really need any more story here, whether it is back story or the continued mayhem.

If you were not already aware, this is not a true story. Tobe Hooper purposely leads you to believe that it is. The closest thing to reality in this film is that Leatherface does some of the same things that real life killer Ed Gein (who inspired Psycho) did. That is all.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre follows a road trip of  5 friends:  Sally and her wheelchair bound brother Franklin, her boyfriend Jerry, and 2 friends Pam and Kirk. They are going to Sally and Franklin’s grandfather’s grave, as it may have been vandalized and/or robbed. There has been quite a bit of that activity lately. During the trip they pick up a rather disturbing hitchhiker and end up having to ditch him. They pull into a gas station only to find out it has no gas, but is expecting a delivery later. They make it to an old family home and decide to hang out until they can go back for some gas. The events that follow are quite unnerving and horrific.

This film is truly a masterpiece from start to finish. Right from the start, you get the feeling that you are in for an unpleasant ride. Eerie music and images right away, John Larroquette’s disturbing narration and skeletal “art” all in the first 5 minutes of this thing really set the tone for the rest of it. It also has this grainy, kind of documentary look too it as well, as if to back up the claim that this is a true story, but it also sort of implants the idea that this is completely believable (which it actually is; nothing in it is the remote bit fantastical or implausible). I should at this point mention that I bought this on Blu-ray, which has been restored and remastered, but still has that grainy look intact, which is good.  This film perfectly balances gore and suspense. Not too much of either one. I really cannot accurately describe the level of terror in this film without swearing: Fucking disturbing. Sally’s incessant screaming through the latter part of the film really intensifies the terror. Marilyn Burns was fantastic as Sally, almost forcing her fear through the screen. Leatherface, the one that wields the chain saw, does not fuck around either. He doesn’t lumber and mysteriously disappear for a few minutes, he chases you down. I also loved that you continuously hear the chain saw, even when off camera, and you can tell how close Leatherface is by how loud the chain saw is. I wouldn’t say the acting is horrible, but it is not the best. However, that fits in just right with the documentary feel of this film. And, can I just say that the end of this film is awesome. It doesn’t wrap a bunch of story up, it just stops where it stops. Other than mentioning that the deaths were quite gruesome, I do not wish to get in to who dies and how. I want you (if there is anyone left who hasn’t seen this yet) to watch them all unprepared. During one of the killings, I did clench my teeth scowl my face a bit as it was quite brutal. If you have not seen this, I urge you to.

Many people consider Tobe Hooper’s classic horror to be one of the best ever made. Wes Craven, Steven King just to name a couple. It has its obvious influence on films like Halloween and House of 1000 Corpses and many many others. Even today, it holds up as a violent, brutal, horrible and yet completely engrossing film.