Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star
I’ve determined that Adam Sandler through his Happy Madison shingle is trying to make everyone hate him. I cannot fathom any other explanation for his recent output (see Jack & Jill below). I needn’t really say much because the crap speaks for itself. Even the trailer announcer sounds bored. Watch for it to hopefully tank this weekend, September 9. Bucky Larson trailer

Abduction
“Whatdya say we remake those Bourne movies with that kid from those, eh … Twilight movies? Yeah! No, not Robert Patterson (sic)! The other hunky one. Yeah. We just need to get a big director like Spike Lee! Oh, he’s not available. What about John Singleton? Yeah, that’s the stuff. And, uh, we’ll pack it with good actors like Alfred Molina and Sigourney Weaver! Big blockbusta on our hands!” – random movie exec. I’ll pass on this September 23. Abduction trailer

Real Steel
Pop quiz, Hollywood hot shot! What do you get when you combine the Fighter/Rocky/any other boxing movie with Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots? Uh, the humorously named Real Steel apparently. From the trailer below, it seems to hit all of the stepping stones for a underdog sports movie … except by replacing the underdog with a pile of metal under the tutelage of Wolverine and some bratty looking kid. Expect it to make a trillion dollars off the backs of stupid movie fans on October 7. Reel Steal trailer

Footloose
Sacrilege alert! I’ve never seen the original Kevin-Baconized Footloose. Wait, is that cheering or booing? Either way, chalk another 80s film to the Tinsel Town remake train as a small town with a ban on typical teenager fun like dancing. I would assume the sex and drugs are off-limits as well. A new cast of unknowns attempt to shake up the establishment by dancing any-damn-way (shocker!) and ruffle Dennis Quaid’s feathers. It looks flashy like Step Up and edgy like … Step Up 3(?) with the hollowness of both combined. Mark your calenders to skip this turkey October 14. Footloose trailer

Red State
Honestly, it’s hard to judge this one by the trailer alone. It looks part awesome (the gunfight mostly) and questionable (everything else). But this has gotten crapped on by a lot of reviews regardless of what Quentin Tarantino says. Kevin Smith will probably chalk that up to critics being stuck-up assholes but I am hardly a critic and despised Cop Out. Be educated when it drops October 21.
Red State trailer

Tower Heist
I’ve already spoken of Brett Ratner’s Tower Heist before but mostly because it was a pretty good cast in a horrid looking movie. It is even more relevant now that Eddie Murphy has been tapped to host the Oscars next February (coincidentally produced by Ratner too) and I still cannot imagine a good movie coming out of this. Be skeptical come November 4. Tower Heist trailer

Jack and Jill
Dear baby Jesus. I cannot believe this is a real movie! I honestly cannot conceive that “From the Producers of Just Go With It and Grown Ups” is a selling point in the trailer! I cannot comprehend that there seems to be twice as much unfunny Adam Sandler in this than his last aborted comedy I watched. I am still waiting for the day before November 11 that Sandler announces to the world that this was merely a big-budgeted hoax made into a trailer just to show movie-goers how asinine their purchases are. I’m really waiting … still waiting. Jack and Jill trailer (Dear God, why?)

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1
So … positives! The trailer came in under two minutes! That’s pretty good considering the recent crop. And … well, I got nothing else. Yes, you might recall that I kind of liked the last one to an extent. At least it wasn’t as bad as the preceeding entry. Watching this trailer makes me want to go tear off my shirt in anger and go run in the rain. If I transform into a werewolf, at least I won’t have to worry about gaining admittance to this piece on November 18. And I hate weddings too! Breaking Dawn trailer

New Year’s Eve
What can Ashton Kutcher, Katherine Heigl, Zac Efron, and Sarah Jessica Parker equal? A movie that I unconditionally do not want to see! I never saw Valentine’s Day either. I consider myself lucky for that but even the celebratory night of drinking and shenanigans is not safe from the rom-com crew. Put those folks in a remake of New Year’s Evil and I’ll be there. Otherwise, have fun in a probably crowded theater when this launches December 9. New Year’s Eve trailer

Super 8

Thus far, Super 8 has been getting pretty good reviews. It doesn’t hurt that it is directed by the proclaimed new-Spielberg J.J. Abrams and produced by the old-Spielberg Steven Spielberg. It has been labeled as The Goonies or E.T. for the new century/decade/whatever. Still, we don’t know a damn thing about it other than the bits and pieces made available from the trailers regarding a group of kids, a camera, and an unknown threat to a small town. That seems more appropriate to a movie of yesteryear when YouTube and IMDb weren’t available to spoil everything. I guess then I have to trek to the theater to see what the hubbub is about. Rest assured, I will.

Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summer

With so many kid movies coming out now, it’s hard to differentiate between the good (Kung Fu Panda) and the not good (Cars 2, I’m sure). Judy Moody is based on a popular series of books and features the delectable Heather Graham and also Urkel. Upon watching the trailer, it looks harmless enough and likely one of the movies that is moderately appealing to adults as well as their young offspring.

Look, I’m not ashamed to admit that I quasi-liked Twilight and was actually pretty impressed with Eclipse. That doesn’t change the fact that this is a series based around a superficial character in a boring, supernatural world that primarily targets the females amongst us. I’m not the target demographic. This I understand.

After hearing second-hand about the twisted and somewhat graphic fourth and final book, I was almost looking forward to The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1. If for no other reason, that would mean there’s only one more movie to suffer through. The just released trailer kills any shred of interest I may have had. Have a gander.

Priest

One of the many based-on-comic-book movies of the summer, Priest stars Paul Bettany as a member of the clergy who wages war against an army of vampires against the behest of his superiors. At least, I think that’s the basic gist. When Digger and I saw a preview before Battle: Los Angeles, he commented that the adaptation looked nothing like it’s source material. Which I suppose is a good thing as the numerous trailers I’ve seen look like dog shit.

Considering the final cut is reportedly less than an hour and a half, this film appears to be striving for Jonah Hex territory as a somewhat good movie that was sabotaged by incompetence or studio meddling. On a technical level it looks impressive with lots of desolate shots and scary-ish monsters but you can’t seem to shake the stench of shit coming from the characters’ foreheads. Regardless, don’t be expecting a Random Movie review until this turd is on Redbox.

Bridesmaids

From the title alone, you would think this is catering to the female persuasion, not unlike another recently panned film Something Borrowed. But being that it is directed by the cat who created Freaks and Geeks and directed numerous episodes of the best comedy show on TV recently (cough, Arrested Development) gives a normal guy like me more to like. It also stars Kristen Wiig and Maya Rudolph, two of the more talented female performers currently.

And to boot, it has actually been receiving good reviews and seemingly not only from Judd Apatow’s producer-only credit. Roger Ebert referred to the lead characters (all women for what it’s worth) as a “group of women friends who are as unbehaved as the guys in ‘The Hangover.’” That description alone may overcome any awkwardness while purchasing a ticket for a movie called “Bridesmaids.”

Also This Week:
Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Natalie Portman (how many movies can this woman do in a year?) grunge it up in Hesher.

There sure has been a lot of vampire love recently at Movie Scum. Okay, vitriol may be a better word as it pertains to the latter Lost Boys movies. At least they don’t have Kristen Stewart in them.

Speaking of a vampire film with nary of sparkle or stammering actress to be found, Midnight Son takes the old vampire tropes and packages them in a tale that looks more realistic than anything with Robert Pattinson. Extra bonus points to the filmmakers for getting Larry Cedar. Midnight Son is currently shopping for distributors with plans to see the light of day (or night) next year. The synopsis as provided:

MIDNIGHT SON is the story of Jacob, a young man confined to a life of isolation, due to a rare skin disorder that prevents him from being exposed to sunlight. His world opens up when he meets Mary, a local bartender, and falls in love. Tragically, Jacob’s actions become increasingly bizarre as he struggles to cope with the effects of his worsening condition. Forced by the disease to drink human blood for sustenance, he must control his increasingly violent tendencies as local law enforcement narrow their focus on him as a suspect in a series of grisly murders.

I seem to recall in days past that the end of summer was a dumping ground of cinematic refuse but it appears that August is the month of choice for many films that may or may not be worth a damn.

Piranha 3D

Of course, if Piranha fails to deliver, Puck will be a very foul man for the following days. I do not worry about this happening though. After all, how could a movie which casts Elisabeth Shue, Ving Rhames, Eli Roth, Christopher Lloyd, and Richard Dreyfuss under the control of High Tension director Alexandre Aja about prehistoric man-eating fish be bad? My feeble mind cannot comprehend such an absurd notion for the movie that is destined to be my first feature length experience in an additional dimension. Bring it on, midnight showing!

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Vampires Suck

On the complete opposite end of the viewing pleasure spectrum is this piece of trash from the talentless hacks involved in Scary Movie, Date Movie, Epic Movie, and Superhero Movie Meet the Spartans. As it opened today, there have been numerous reviews published already and the majority of which I can almost guarantee are funnier than anything in the movie itself. Thus far, the film is at a big fat 0% on Rotten Tomatoes but that is only with ten reviews so I’m sure some jackass will mess it up and give it a positive review because he hates the world.

In fact, I defy you to watch the attached trailer and argue there is one legitimately funny line in it (okay, the Black Eyed Peas one doesn’t count). As suspect as I am over the benefits of a toothless vampire series like Twilight, I promise no good can come from these two fuckheads continuing to make movies (see Stan Helsing for further evidence).

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Also opening this week:

The Switch
(Sigh) Another romantic comedy with Jennifer Aniston? Sigh. I see that Jason Bateman is in it but I am really going to need him to be more discriminating in acting choices.

Lottery Ticket
Having seen the trailer in front of Inception (twice), this actually look pretty funny. Not Tyler Perry funny but real funny as it reminded me of Friday, not its Chris Tucker-less sequels though.

The Other Guys

This appears to be the type of movie that Cop Out failed to be. We have two badass police officers, Nick Fury and Riddick, who bust crime like they score women … easily. But for some reason (and I’m better there is a tragic accident or suspension involved), Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg are tasked to take on heavy-hitting police work with no regard to their apparent lack of either experience or intellect.

I will say this movie holds a great amount of promise to it. From previous experience, Will Ferrell can’t do much wrong with Adam McKay in the director’s seat (I haven’t seen Step Brothers though). Wahlberg is also pretty decent in a comedic role (see 1998′s The Big Hit) and it even has Michael Keaton as the captain! How could this not be hilarious?

Step Up 3D

You know, it really doesn’t baffle me how this movie was made. The original Step Up made approximately four times its budget in theaters if I can calculate correctly (that is fuzzy math at best). But the second film did not do as well and cost as much money. Here we are on the cusp of a 3D overload as shit is being rammed down our throats in another dimension so I cannot fault the logic to release a fucking movie about DANCING in 3D.

Okay, yes I can. There is no saving grace here. There is no silver lining. It has been called one of the worst fucking movies ever by a fan of the original. Notice how in the trailer the director is touted as if he had made something other than Step Up 2: The Streets (ha, clever) and other never-heard-of music-based movies? Why can we not have a Piranha 3D vs. Step Up 3D mashup? Those fish would win in a fucking heartbeat. And I would cheer them on.

Charlie St. Cloud

Oh great. A Zac Efron starring movie that has a normal young adult male struggling with the difficulties of romance, growing up, and … conversing with his dead brother? What the hell kind of movie is this?

The trailer had me up until the introduction of the romance angle which makes it look like a Nicholas Sparks book with a guilty conscious/afterlife angle which totally jettisons any interest I might have had. The obligatory Snow Patrol song doesn’t help either.

Before Toy Story 3, I saw a different trailer for this than the one below and I wasn’t too thrilled. I can’t really explain why. The pedigree of this movie is quite impressive with Paul Rudd, Steve Carrell, Zach Galifianakis, and even Peter Gibbons himself turning in roles. Jay Roach as director is pretty hit or miss (or abysmal fail as with Goldmember) but things look fun and jovial.

Will this movie be this year’s Hangover or yet another “comedy” that fails to deliver on anything other than the slight amusement as seen in the preview? Only time will tell.

Inception
Straight from the mind of the God, err … Chris Nolan, himself comes this summer’s rescue from the hell of endless sequels and lackluster effects. I am so excited for this movie to the point that I am even considering a 12:01 AM screening on Friday morning. The fact that there is one was baffling but I would presume theater owners know that some people are actually anticipating this as opposed to the next big tweeny-vampire-ish movie.

Based on what I’ve seen, I am pretty sure that Leonardo DiCaprio, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and Ellen Page are just a few of the impressive cast in the film as it relates to the ability to invade people’s dreams. Almost every review I’ve read has been giddily positive and while I don’t know a damn thing about Inception and I couldn’t be happier. Who am I kidding? Midnight screening here I come!

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The Sorcerer’s Apprentice
Here we have another film that I know little of but for very different reasons. Apparently loosely based on a short from the Disney of old, this is a story of Nicolas Cage who is in over his head fighting Alfred Molina so he recruits a young kid with an untapped potential of sorcery. Unlike other somewhat iconic Jerry Bruckheimer/Cage projects, this movie does not appeal to me as it looks like a slightly grittier version of other similar stories that might have Harry in the title (and not Harry and the Hendersons). I haven’t seen any Harry Potter movies to date, that entire sub-genre of whatever holds no appeal to me, and this looks like a watered-down version of a real summer blockbuster movie.

Maybe I’m wrong but I hope Inception beats the pants off of this in the coming days.

Predators
Starring Adrien Brody, Topher Grace, and Lawrence Fishburne, Predators features a group of humans, referred to as “killers” of varying origins who are being stalked in the forest by a group of rapid elk with laser sights … or predators.

Early reviews have been fairly mixed with one viewers gain being another’s displeasure. It is safe to say that producer Robert Rodriguez has been fairly hit or miss with his offerings over the past decade or so but hopefully this will fall into the hit category as this is not a kid’s movie.

Personally, while the first is a good action film, I can’t say the Predator series really has much going for it. This film is more or less a sequel to the original (possibly the second as well), ignoring the AVP films which apparently are garbage. Check out the trailer below.

Despicable Me
Featured the voice talents of Steve Carrell, Will Arnett, Kristen Wiig and many more, Despicable Me is yet another computer animated tale that attempts to appeal to kids with silly shenanigans and to adults with recognizable talents behind the scene.

I wasn’t too impressed with the trailer for the film that was shown before Toy Story 3. It currently has good ratings at both Rotten Tomatoes and at IMDb but it is still early and with a number of reviewers having not published their thoughts, that could change. The trend of these celebrity-voiced kids movies shows no sign of stopping but between Shrek 4 (or Forever After of Requiem or whatever the subtitle was), Toy Story, Marmaduke, How to Train Your Dragon, and all the others, I believe a moratorium should be enacted, not only for my sanity but also for my wallet.