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Random Movie: Piranha 3D (2010)

Posted on 20 August 2010 by peanutbutterfilthy

As I walked around the office today telling people that I had seen Piranha 3D…well, let’s be honest, bragging that I had seen it, every single person said the same thing to me: “Oh, that movie looks terrible.” Well, yes. Yes it is. It’s fucking Piranha.

As if the plot mattered, this incarnation of Piranha starts with Richard Dreyfuss playing Matt Boyd drinking an Amity beer. If you see this and don’t immediately understand that the following film will be nothing but a tongue in cheek, referenced ladened gore fest, then leave the theater immediately and go see Dinner for Schmucks. You obviously need your humor unfunny, and force fed to you. An underwater earthquake occurs and releases a swarm of a particular species of piranha that has not been seen in millions of years. Meanwhile, above the water at Lake Victoria, thousands flock for Spring Break, providing the obligatory hedonism required before a masked killer or hungry fish lay waste to the area. Loud music, wet t-shirt contests, booze, drugs, and a Girls Gone Wild type video being shot all provide the soon to be blood splattered red canvas that Alexandre Aja uses to paint the awesomest magic eye picture I have ever seen. That’s right. Awesomest.

Inception has an interesting defense against supposed plot holes. There is one interpretation of it in which the entirety of the movie takes place in a dream, thus making plot holes, not holes at all, but rather part of some bizarre dream. Piranha 3D has a similar defense against its flaws. They’re supposed to be there. Bad acting? It’s Piranha. Formulaic horror tactics? Piranha! It’s because of this that it would be a waste of time to point out any flaws in this film. It’s part of a package. The gratuitous nudity and gore, the bad dialogue, the Jaws references. And while the 3D didn’t necessarily enhance the viewing experience, it was a genius move to convert it. This is the perfect movie to do that with. It was like the blood red bow on the package. I will admit, however, there was one instance in which I jumped due to a flying object coming at me. I remained motionless amidst dozens of decapitations and entrails galore, but a 3D object made me jump. All the acting was just above distraction level so as not to take you out of the film, but also so that there was no pointless deep characterizations. It’s all surface. I mean, really, the best advice I can give you is, don’t take the film seriously at all. Go into it expecting over the top ridiculousness. The audience Puck and I were in were clapping at some of the most disgusting things (when they weren’t yelling “1.21 gigawatts!” every time Christopher Lloyd was on screen).

Other cast include Elisabeth Shue, Ving Rhames, Eli Roth, Jerry O’Connell and a porn star (in 3D!).

Aja is fast becoming one of my favorite directors, what with High Tension, his remake of The Hills Have Eyes, and now this. This film delivers pure mindless entertainment and will most certainly leave its mark on you. Highly Recommended.

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Want To See Johnny Cage Get Killed?

Posted on 09 June 2010 by peanutbutterfilthy

This is probably a little late, but here is video that apparently was made to try and get Warner Brothers to green light a Mortal Kombat re-imagining. Check it out:

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Flashback: Top 9 Old School Cartoons That Should Be Movies

Posted on 16 March 2010 by peanutbutterfilthy

So I was thinking about how most movies that are released nowadays are a bunch of remakes, re imaginings or regurgitations of something from days of olde (or in some cases, not). I drifted off to a simpler time. A time of Garbage Pail Kids and Saturday Morning Cartoons. I started remembering some pretty awesome and questionable shows that I used to watch that I would not mind seeing on the big screen. So here are 9 of them, in no particular order.

1. M.A.S.K. The acronym stands for Mobile Armoured Strike Kommand. That’s a bit of a reach. Anyway, they fight the forces of V.E.N.O.M. , or Vicious Evil Network Of Mayhem. I think it is clear who has the better name. The leader of V.E.N.O.M. is responsible for the leader of M.A.S.K.’s brother’s death. This conflict is the basis of the show. The “gag,” I guess, of it was that the vehicles that they all drove, turned into other vehicles. For example, a motorcyle turned into a helicopter. No really an original idea, but still a good show. My favorite part though was the opening sequence. I can’t find this version on the internet, but basically, the team would be summoned to assemble by their watches. The opening showed them doing their regular jobs (i.e. karate instructor, judge), getting the call, and then just up and leaving. And the theme song was just terrible terrible funny.

2. Silverhawks.It will come up. Once the Thundercats movie is out, someone will greenlight Silverhawks. Silverhawks was very similar to Thundercats in a few ways. Some of the cast of both shows were the same. Villian in Thundercats: Mum Ra. Silverhawks: Mon Star. They both turn into another “person.” Sliverhawks took place in space and had possibly one of the dumbest ideas for a weapon: An electric guitar that shoots musical notes from it. It’s played by Bluegrass, who I guess is the “country” Silverhawk.

3. InHumanoids. This show was badass. The Inhumanoids lived under ground and they start to wreak havoc on the surface. There is a team of underground explorers called Earth Corp. in these crazy suits that work to destroy them. Awesome.

4. Danger Mouse. Hell yeah! Mouse secret agent that lives where Sherlock Holmes lives (well, his mailbox)! Fighting Baron Greenback! Remember? This show was awesome, and if you disagree, you are wrong.

5. Bananaman. The premise? Ridiculous. But delightful nonetheless. Eric Wimp (ha!), gets his power from bananas, usually brought to him by his friend (a crow), hence the name of his alter-ego. He had various enemies, one of which was named Appleman.

6. Mister T. That’s right, I want him to reprise his role as a gymnastic coach solving mysteries in a live action movie. And I swear to God, if they cast Zac Efron or a Jonas Brother as one of the kids…well, let’s just say I pity the fool that does that.

7. Mighty Max. This show was really well written. I remember it being funny, and smart. Max is the “cap-bearer” and has to protect the Earth from Skullmaster (Tim Curry!), a task that he less than desires. He would travel with his pals Virgil and Norman, the latter of which is his bodyguard.

8. Cow and Chicken. Cow (girl) and Chicken (boy) are sister and brother, and are in fact a cow and chicken, but their “parents” are human. I put that in quotes only because their parents seemed to not have bodies, from the waist up. This show was really bizarre and somewhat disturbing, which is precisely why I like it. Obviously, this would probably not be live action.

9. Tigersharks. This also was developed by Rankin/Bass, who were responsible for the aforementioned Thundercats and Silverhawks. I called them chumps before, and they are, but, I would like to see a movie just so I could here someone cover that awesome, awesome theme song.

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The Nightmare Isn’t Over

Posted on 23 February 2010 by Puck

Fresh on the heels of our upcoming remake/reboot/bootmagining episode comes a spate of news, photos, and information for the latest revisit to a horror franchise, A Nightmare on Elm Street. As I have previously said, I hold the entire Nightmare series very highly regarded, weak parts and all from my nostalgic recollection of them.

My fear though was and still remains to be that the re-whatever will end up being underwhelming like Friday the 13th, also remade by the same production company Platinum Dunes. It now appears that my fears are founded in reality. Ain’t It Cool News has a spoiler-filled review that pretty much eviscerates the film. In fact, in looking at the released production photos, it seems that the overall concept of the film has remained intact, with scenes looking almost identical to the original. Now, there is more of an origin story for Freddy which I am happy about but if the movie ends up destroying any hopes I had of a new and goodNightmare movie in my lifetime, I could have just stuck with the episode of Freddy’s Nightmares instead.

So, it might be a little too late as it is set to premiere April 30 but I hope that any flaws of the movie can be addressed and corrected. Regardless though, I will be seeing the movie on opening day despite any negative reviews I read in hopes that everyone else is just wrong. God, I hope everyone is wrong.

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Death at a Remake?

Posted on 04 February 2010 by peanutbutterfilthy

Ever seen Death at a Funeral? Did you like it? Want to see a remake roughly 3 years after the original, with say, Chris Rock? Well, your wish has been granted, watch the trailer. Come on, man, 3 years? Are you serious? And there wasn’t anything wrong with the first one. In fact, it is a textbook example of a farce, right up the with A Flea in Her Ear and Noises Off! Hey, I got an idea. Captain America comes out in 2011, let’s go ahead an remake that.

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At Least Use The Starship Song

Posted on 31 January 2010 by peanutbutterfilthy

I saw Mannequin in the theater.

They are going to reboot this film. It better have Johnathan Silverman in it. For as you can see, the first one had Andrew McCarthy, and the second had Terry Kiser. So, in order to complete the Triumvirate, a reboot, remake or sequel, it must have Johnathan Silverman. Sadly, I do not think it will. Instead, it will apparently star Zac Efron. I assume that this will mean it will be some kind of gay musical, that pre-teens will rush to see. If it is, I demand that they use “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now” by Starship, which basically melted the cheese that was the first film.

If you haven’t seen this movie, first, you should thank what ever deity you throw money at on your day of worship. Second, here’s the basic story. Kim Cattrall is an ancient Egyptian who is cursed and turned in to a Mannequin and ends up in the future (1987) and can only come to life when Johnathan (coincidence?) Switcher is around. They work together to make the department store that Switcher works in the most successful in town. Brilliant.

I should be furious at this, but after thinking about it, it could be worse. They could remake it instead of reboot it, which would involve trying to recast the un-recastable. There is absolutely no way that anyone other than Meshach Taylor could play Hollywood. It would be a crime against humanity to have someone other than Estelle Getty play Ms. Timkin. And if anyone ever dares to recast any role played by Andrew McCarthy, they should be stoned to death. That being said, I am glad that it is a reboot, and cannot wait until they hip it up, and make a then irrelevant movie even more irrelevant to the young people, who will rub themselves to the thought of Zac Effron. You know what would be really funny? Have Kim Catrall play the mannequin again.

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Bernie Returns? PBF is Going to be Mad

Posted on 28 January 2010 by Puck

Now, there are not very many details at this point so it is possible that this is just an empty threat from Hollywood, but Moviehole states Bernie Lomax may be resurrected to then die and pretend to be alive in a remake to PBF’s beloved ultimate comfort movie Weekend at Bernie’s. Could this be the chance for Andrew McCarthy and Jonathan Silverman to relive their fame and recover their fortune from the original film? Or will we have to suffer with actors lacking in the charisma to pull off the absurd plot of the film? So many questions, so little answers. Perhaps there can be a double feature between this and the remake of Mannequin as two movies which shouldn’t have been made the first time, let alone remade.

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Be Ready to Jump

Posted on 14 January 2010 by peanutbutterfilthy

When the FOX network was just a little girl, she had a delightful program that I rather enjoyed called 21 Jump Street. Stephen J. Cannell was such a genius. If you are only a casual fan of Johnny Depp, or are just not familar with this part of his resume, do yourself a favor and check out a few episodes. But try to remember it took place in the late 80’s and early 90’s. While he had already been in A Nightmare on Elm Street and a few other things, if you look at his resume, he career pretty much took off after Jump Street. This show was about some cops that looked young enough to pass as a high school students, so they would go undercover and form friendships with troubled youths and tear those friendships in to pieces by revealing that they were cops, and arresting them or their friends. They would tackle serious issues like drug use, AIDS, depression, and others. Fairly often there would be a PSA style message after the show, presented by the actors, ala G.I. Joe. I was a pretty big fan of this show. I remember the episode Orpheus 3.3, in which Johnny Depp’s character, Tom Hanson and his girlfriend Amy are in a convenience store that gets robbed and Amy get shot and killed. Hanson becomes consumed with guilt, thinking that he should have been able to do something. He watches and re watches the surveillance video of the shooting over and over, and isolates the incident down to 3.3 seconds. Clearly deranged, he starts figuring out all the things that one can do in that same amount of time, such as how many times you can ring a doorbell, opening beer cans, etc.

So, PBF, what in the hell does any of this have to do with Movie Scum? Well, jackass, there is a film version planned. Jonah Hill is apparently writing and producing it, and is so adamant about doing it his way, he has stated that he will walk if they do not let him. Accroding to Hill, “[Audiences are] not expecting what it’s going to be. It’s not a parody of the show. I’m not playing Johnny Depp’s character… It’s a group of people that go back to high school to deal with a drug problem. To deal with crime in high school.” That doesn’t sound too surprising, does it? “It’s a funny movie with a lot of great action and a real story. I’ve been saying that it’s like a John Hughes movie with Bad Boys style action.”

If in fact, it is not a parody, I am good with that. Jonah Hill? Uh, I guess I am not that worried. I mean, I don’t know if he can write, but he sure is funny. Just don’t be in it, Jonah. That would be inappropriate. And I swear to God, if Richard Grieco is in it, hostages will be taken.

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Reduce, Reuse, Remake!

Posted on 09 January 2010 by Digger

It’s no secret that Hollywood producers are scared to death of original ideas. One just has to look at the past decade of films to see that most big budget movies released in theaters are adaptations of existing stories (novels, short stories, and most recently, comic books) or sequels of successful and some not-so successful films. (seriously, Jumper 2?) But now, we are living in the age of the remake, and it pisses me off to no end. Why adapt or continue a good story when you can just take a preexisting movie and re-shoot it? There’s already a built-in audience that loves the property, and that audience doesn’t have to be worried about coping with new ideas or unexpected plot twists. Just look at the release line-up for 2010 and 2011. It’s packed full of “new” movies that are remakes of classics, remakes of foreign films, and, most absurdly, remakes of remakes.

I’ll forgive that some older movies like Fritz Lang’s Metropolis from 1927 might benefit from a modern retelling. Even some not-so-old movies like Flash Gordon from 1980 could look good with a current generation face-lift, maybe. But almost all of these upcoming remakes just make my blood boil.

Horror movies seem to have some kind of remake bull’s eye on them. George A. Romero’s The Crazies and Wes Craven’s A Nightmare on Elm Street both have remakes slated to hit theaters early this year, and John Carpenter is next on the chopping block, with The Thing and They Live scheduled for updated bastardizations in 2011. Come on, guys, The Thing IS a remake. I think the world will be just fine without that CG abomination. Even worse than that is Hollywood’s apparent need to make English speaking versions of perfectly great foreign films, specifically The Orphanage and Let the Right One In, that were released just TWO YEARS AGO! And this is just the baby-toe of the hideously rehashed cinematic iceberg that’s in store for us in the near future. The Blob, Poltergeist, Logan’s Run, Short Circuit, Sunset Boulevard, Suspiria, Highlander, The Karate Kid, Footloose, An American Werewolf in London, Billy Jack, Red Dawn, Total Recall, Hard Boiled, Akira, Scanners, Barbarella, Revenge of the Nerds, The Fly, The Host, Dune, Sharky’s Machine, Rosemary’s Baby… Do you think that’s enough?!

The worst, by far, is a movie scheduled for release this year called The King of Kong. If you can believe this, it’s a scripted remake of a documentary that came out in 2007 about two men fighting for the Donkey Kong high score world record. I own the documentary on DVD, and it is awesome, but this remaking a documentary idea is just surreal. What does anyone hope to accomplish by remaking a documentary?