Ah, sweet 81 minute running time. How you make the pain so much easier to take. Actually, The Lost Boys: The Thirst is not as bad as The Tribe. In fact, it would be borderline not bad at all if they would just get rid of the stupid action movie hokey lines. And the crap “Cry Little Sister” cover.

While Alan Frog was absent from the last film, he was referenced by Edgar who says that he knows what it’s like to lose a sibling to the undead or some such verbiage. The opening of The Thirst, shows us “5 years earlier” in Washington where a really old senator half vampire with vampire teeth dentures is about to feed on a congressman is interrupted by the Frog brothers. They save the congressman but Alan (again played by Jamison Newlander) gets turned in to a half vampire. We go back to the present and Edgar (Corey Feldman) gets an eviction notice and one week to vacate his trailer. Still talking like Nolan’s Batman, he goes to a comic book store to sell some of his collection. As if sensing the need for exposition from the viewer, a famous blogger named Johnny Trash comes in and irritates Edgar’s friend Zoe who explains that he is in town to cover a rave. When Edgar gets back to his trailer, he finds a woman named Gwen there who wants to hire him to find her brother Peter. Peter went to a rave hosted by DJ X in Ibiza (guess who is hosting the rave that’s coming to town?) and has not been seen since. These raves are held all over the world, and ravers are given “the thirst,” which they think is a new hip drug, but in fact is vampire blood. Essentially, DJ X is creating armies of vampires all over the world. Gwen informs Edgar that DJ X is possibly the Alpha vampire (and killing him will return all halves back to human). Edgar turns this down. He does, however go to visit Alan to discuss the situation. Thank God, just like us, Alan has no idea what happened to characters from the first film so Edgar can tell all of us. Here is the skinny on that: During the credits of The Tribe, Sam (Corey Haim)  shows up as a vampire and confronts Edgar. The go at each other and the credits continue to roll, leaving us unsure as to what happened. Edgar tells Alan that he killed Sam, after he became a full vampire. Because of this, Sam’s brother Michael and Star no longer speak to him. Laddie, the child half vampire that Star looked after in the original, apparently now has a family and leads a normal life. Interestingly also, in another reference to the first movie, Alan sustains himself as a half vampire by drinking animal blood. He is a taxidermist, like Sam and Michael’s grandfather was (which is a main point of argument for those that believe that Grandpa was half vampire). Alan wants nothing to do with this task as he believes that no one knows who the Alpha vampire really is, and there will just be someone else who they believe is, and it is a never ending cycle. Edgar decides to take the job anyway, but Gwen has hired Lars, a reality show host, so they are now partners in this task. So the group:  Edgar, Zoe, Lars (and his cameraman) and Gwen (who is the author of a popular series of vampire novels) load up on weapon and formulate a plan to rescue Peter (oh yeah, that’s what they were doing).

The Thirst is kind of interesting. For those of you that are unaware, there is a comic (4 issues) called The Lost Boys: Reign of Frogs that takes place between the first 2 films. Also, there was or is talks of making a Frog brothers television show. After watching this film, I can almost see how a show would be good. I would need the Frogs to be recast, as Feldman and Newlander have lost all acting ability, but I would not mind seeing Edgar and Alan regularly as a spin off of the original film. This franchise gets steered in to spin off more than sequels, but it just isn’t working. The Thirst is a big bag of references to the original film. When not being treated to expoistion explaining unanswered (and possibly unasked) questions to fill in the gaps between 1987 and 2010, we get flashbacks to scenes of the original. The explination of what happened to the characters  was fine, but the flashbacks were annoying. This is clearly the further adventures of the Frogs, and the original is now but one (albeit the best) chapter in their adventure. Let’s focus on the present. In fact, while we are at it, let’s lose The Lost Boys title as well.

I cannot tell  you how much I HATE action movie one liners. The Tribe and The Thirst are riddled with them. You know, what? Stop making them largely comedic anyway. They are not as funny as the original and they don’t really need to be. Nothing wrong with a little bit of humor, but the comedy is over emphasized by lines that would be better suited in Commando.

These films were possibly a good idea, and perhaps 15 years ago they would have been much better. Feldman looks old, and the storyline would be better suited to younger actors, as well would a lengthy series, whether film or television. With the success of The Walking Dead, it is very possible that a well executed series about the Frog Brothers could be just as well received. The end of this film hints at another sequel, and perhaps it will be better. We are given a clue as to what the subject matter would be, and this would further detach it from The Lost Boys “family” as it were. This would surely make the quality better as I would have to assume the constant references would be done away with as we watch the Frogs take on new challenges.

So, it is not crap. In fact, it is a springboard for many interesting concepts. I find that the possibilities this film could lead to are more interesting than the actual film, and perhaps that’s what carried me through to the end. Rightfully so, it apparently ignored the second film, with the exception of two references (unfortunately, one of which actually requires a viewing of The Tribe to understand).  However, just because it is not crap, does not mean it is good. Unfortunately it is more bad than good, but there are some moments that are genuinely entertaining. I say, stop making films, change the name and make a show. It will work better.

Coconut Pete is without a doubt, the best role Bill Paxton has ever played.

Club Dread is the 3rd film by Broken Lizard, following Super Troopers. There is a resort called Coconut Pete’s Pleasure Island, in Costa Rica. It is your basic hedonistic paradise; lots of naked people, booze, drugs, etc. Coconut Pete is a former rock star in the vein of Jimmy Buffet who will be quick to remind you that his hit Pina Coladaburg was written 7 years before Margaritaville. On this island is the fun police, live Pac Man games (in which you might see the fruit from the game having sex with each other) and the legend of Machete Pete. Machete Pete supposedly killed a bunch of staff and castrated himself and ran off in to the woods never to be seen again. Soon after this story is told (around a campfire ala Friday the 13th Part 2) dead bodies start being found with cryptic clues carved in to them. With no way off the island, the staff must figure out which one of them is the killer.

I purposely watched all other Lizards films before Super Troopers. I did this, because it had been a while since I had seen some of the others, and there were a couple I had not seen at all, and I wanted to know if Super Troopers would still be the best after viewing them all. While I still think it is, Club Dread is a very close second (and Beerfest is not that far off, either). The reason that it is second, is only because it is not as consistently funny as Troopers. However, when it is funny, it is hysterical. Bill Paxton is just superbly funny as Pete, who is drunk all of the time and cannot remember most things he did, including making entire albums. This is especially funny as the killer quotes his lyrics and uses his one of his songs as a sort of victim blueprint, but Pete cannot offer any assistance as to what the song actually means. The film also has some of the weirdest/funniest lines of any of their films: “This guy’s gonna be picking his teeth outta my dump!” and “You get a fun fucking warrant!” Sometimes, however, the jokes are not funny and provide an uneven feel.

What also works well in this film, is the horror genre spoof. It’s not as obvious as “What’s your favorite scary movie?” but it has all the elements of classic horror films. Young people having sex and getting wasted then getting killed. Cheap scares, the “killer legend” story that is told. But it also does a good job of being a half decent real horror picture as well. The movie gives everyone a motive early on and will keep you guessing who the killer is. It is a good slasher horror, that not only does a great job of parodying the genre, but makes it funny for the most part, while being both tongue in cheek and clever. Not saying it’s the first film to do this, but one of the better ones. In fact, it actually kind of stands apart from the other Lizard films as an almost serious attempt to make a film that is not just humorous, but one that demonstrates the troupes film/film making knowledge.  It has slick timing and is just a very well directed film.

When I say that Dread is second to Troopers, I mean by a very small margin. Aesthetically it is superior, but its continued misses in humor (humor being one half of the film), just knock it down to that second spot. Troopers, which is a straight comedy, is mostly comedy hits and thus solidifies it as the more even, and more effective of the two.

Best shot of the film: decapitation from the head’s point of view. It watches the body it was separated from flop around for a minute.

The Killer Inside Me is based on a book of the same name by Jim Thompson. This is the second adaptation. A film also called The Killer Inside Me was released in 1976 starring Stacy Keach. This is the only incarnation of the tale I have imbibed. It is not a date film.

This film is about Lou Ford (Casey Affleck). In a nutshell (no pun intended), he is a deputy sheriff that is not too complex on the surface. He lives and works in Central City, a small town in Texas. He speaks softly, with a charming accent. Also, he is consumed by an ever growing psychosis that causes him to lash out violently, mostly at women. Having to spank his mother’s ass as a child may have something to do with this. There is a story involving a prostitute (Jessica Alba), Lou’s girlfriend (Kate Hudson) and some money, but to be honest with you, the film could have had Smurfs in it and it would not have mattered. You are not supposed to notice the story so much as the violence.

There are worse depictions of violence against women, but the scenes of it in this film are pretty unnerving. Especially coming from Lou, who seems harmless enough until he punches someone, and thusly the audience quite shockingly and repeatedly. The most brutal of violence is not overflowing in frequency. However the scenes burst through several long stretches of really boring half-narrated plot development. And they tend to kind of go on for a bit to make sure you are nice and uncomfortable.   The film is set in the 1950s and the scenes are usually inappropriately (but tension relieving) followed by poppy-country 50s era music. The violence was so attention grabbing in stark contrast to the plot, that I suspect that was the point.

Affleck gives a great performance, however I believe the part could have been written better. I didn’t really “buy” Lou’s psychosis, but it was in no way Affleck’s fault. You could see him trying desperately to make that third dimension appear to viewers, but I am afraid post conversion is the only way we are going to see that. The character was not that deep. Lou was just “normal” then loony. There was no mixing of the two.  No character was really written with much depth, which I guess gave the film an evenness, but I would rather have had some further character development before seeing them get beaten to death. But I guess, if the story is boring, why make the characters interesting? We get a glimpse of Lou’s childhood, but only a couple of times, and no in between. We see a total of 2 minutes of before and 1 hour and 47 minutes of after the insanity takes over. I am not opposed to this idea, but specifically in this film, it did not work. Alba and Hudson both give fine performances as well.

One thing that worked well was the confusion induced by the end. I started to question what events I watched were real and what other may have been delusions. The film does not clearly indicate whether or not any of it was in Lou’s head, but it makes sense that some may have.  I did kind of have that Sixth Sense epiphany, and ran back through the film in my head trying to decide even if some characters were not real.

I feel kind of odd mentioning this, what with the woman beating and all, but there are some genuinely funny moments in this film. For awhile, Lou is completely oblivious to the fact that people are suspicious of him. When questioned casually by some and more intently by others, he offers flimsy responses that are immediately discarded, and yet he just assumes he is fooling everyone. It’s humorous to watch him light up a cigar during questioning as if he has “won” when he clearly has not.

There is a lot to like about this film (the run time isn’t one of those things; a lot of that 109 minutes is quite dull), and also not to like.  I did get some entertainment out of it and can see why others may get more. It is an interesting view for sure, but if you skip it, you will not be missing an essential part of your film viewing journey.

***THIS REVIEW MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS***

After watching this film and reflecting on it, I feel robbed. I feel like there should have been several hundred different things I should have felt that I did not. Similarly to my experience watching Feed, I felt like the subject matter of I Spit on Your Grave was treated with indifference.

Jennifer is spending the summer in the country writing her first novel. She has rented a house by a lake. She stops at a gas station and the attendant is quite friendly. There are a couple of locals entertaining themselves over in the grass. When she arrives at the house she has some groceries delivered, and the delivery man is also very nice, and might be a little slow. What I assume is a result of a combination of boredom, sweltering heat and backwoods inbreeding, this group of men violently beat and rape Jennifer at 3 different locations and leave her for dead. This is something that they will soon regret in a terribly boring, anti-climactic fashion.

Technically, this really isn’t horror by normal standards. I mean, the events are horrible, which is why I categorize it as such, but there isn’t a whole lot of blood, that much violence (outside of the rape) and there is no tension whatsoever. It’s funny, though. There was no music in the film, except when actual music was playing on a stereo or something like that. I found this to be an interesting choice, because it would make any scares or tense moments organic, without music to tell you when to be frightened or when to jump. But those things never happened. It was like a lazy walk through a few weeks of events and then a quick slip out the back unnoticed. The film even ended without warning, with Jennifer boating off in to the credits.

My main problem with this film is, I felt indifference toward every single character. Now, please do not misunderstand me, the crimes committed against this woman were heinous and vile and I hated the offenders while in the act. But there was really no characterization, and half the time I doubted that these guys really would have done these things, especially as the film went on. They kept making horrible decisions, like getting in the car with her after finding out that she was still alive. One of them takes a bath with her. I saw them think, they can rationalize things. How could they make these decisions?

So, Jennifer takes her revenge on each one of them, one by one. Each kill was preceded with such obvious ruse or what seemed like endless delay, they were completely void of any terror or surprise. They were no different than any other scene in the film, really. Also, due to the lack of any real character development, I almost just didn’t give a shit if they lived or died. It was like watching robots do horrible things to each other and then trying to imagine what it would be like if the robots were humans.

I hope that the recent remake of this film does a much better job of what the original should have done. It should have scarred me, honestly. I should have been very upset, and then shouting with glee every time Jennifer killed someone. Instead, I was left relatively the same as I was before watching it.

Anyone who has ever been to a Halloween party has heard of the ‘Bloody Mary‘ game. You go into the bathroom, face the mirror, turn off the lights, say Bloody Mary three times, and turn on the lights. Supposedly, the spirit of Bloody Mary would appear behind you and kill you, or give you a back rub, or something. This, of course, never happened, but there would always be someone who knows someone who has a friend whose brother was killed by Bloody Mary, and a most kids that try this get fairly freaked-out about the legend. The film Candyman takes the legend even further by by replacing the ghost of Mary with an angry Tony Todd with a hook for a hand and shoots bees out of his mouth. Now that’s scary. Based on the short story The Forbidden, by Clive Barker, the movie follows Helen (Virginia Madsen) a grad student writing a thesis on local folklore and urban legends. She comes across the legend of a black artist who had his hand cut off then was smeared with honey and killed by bee stings. His ashes were scattered over the the land that would become Caprini-Green in Chicago, and now the residents of the housing project fear his vengeful spirit. Helen’s investigation leads her to the housing project, and as she is interviewing the locals and accumulating data, she is approached by a thug brandishing a hook who claims to be the Candyman and attacked. This man had been using the stories about Candyman to bolster his own reputation, but Helen is able to pick him out of a police line-up and he is arrested. Afterward, while walking to her car, she is approached by the real Candyman.

He tells Helen that his power comes from the belief in his legend, and since Helen does not believe, he will make an example out of her. Helen blacks out, then wakes up in an apartment soaked in blood. Helen then gets into a fight with the woman who lives in the now bloody apartment and is promptly arrested for kidnapping said woman’s baby. I love the idea that Candyman is constantly screwing with Helen, framing her for kidnapping a child, randomly appearing in her home. The setting and decaying inner city atmosphere to the horror movie is a sharp contrast to most horror films set in isolated places. Also, Tony Todd owns this role, with his deep, echoing voice and intense stare. His performance here actually reminds me of Bela Lugosi as Dracula, he’s just hypnotic every time he’s on the screen. This is a great Halloween movie that’s well written and one-hundred percent creepy. It’s a little slow at times, but that just emphasizes the scary bits.

A few years ago, I wrote a paper in college about real-life violence and how some people, erroneously in my opinion, try to blame movies and other mediums of entertainment for corrupting young minds. One of the films that was called out was Natural Born Killers for its glamorized presentation of the lives of a murderous duo. Kalifornia has a similar story but is told in a more sinister fashion.

As David Duchovny muses in the film as aspiring author Brian, some people are born without the sense to know when they cross a line from the what-ifs of possibly hurting someone to actually doing so. Early Grayce, as played by the always awesome Brad Pitt, is one such person who enjoys life in the moment without much pause for consequence or reflection. When Brian and his other half Carrie (Michelle Forbes) plan to travel cross-country visiting murder scenes for Brian’s book, they hook up with Early and his girl Adele (Juliette Lewis) as a way of splitting gas money as both seek refuge in sunny California.

Through a very uneven voice-over, we learn that Brian is incredibly knowledgeable about the ins and outs of the psychology and procedures of past serial killers, but is unable to see the mounting odd mannerisms of Early that might lead most to suspect the worst. Pitt plays Early with a delicate balance as both a free-spirit, unhindered by the restrictions of the normal life Brian and Carrie lead and as a raving psychopath who is just waiting for his next opportunity to feed his desire to harm others. Things are left vague as to his motive as Brian posits that Early is acting out against a deplorable childhood and an abusive father which is quickly rebuked by Early himself. Either explanation is equally disturbing as Early is either killing random people to lash out against his long gone father (or any other authority figure) or just killing for the thrill of it with no desire to stop.

The relationships between the four main cast signifies the difference, or lack thereof, between normal and abnormal. Almost immediately, despite his reservations, Brian becomes quite chummy with Early as they get into drunken bar fights and shooting guns. Meanwhile Carrie and Adele have some powerful scenes as Carrie becomes more suspicious of Early and his demeanor, especially after hearing of his previous activities and his tumultuous relationship with Adele. All the characters are portrayed as polar opposites, one half being rather well off while the other barely qualifies as poor white trash. At the beginning, these differences lead to a rift, become an asset, and then blow up in everyone’s face as Early’s deeds become known to the group, including the naive and possibly mentally-challenged Adele.

While it seemed to come too early in the film, Early breaks his nice, Southern demeanor as he guns down a gas station attendant to avoid being stranded by Brian and Carrie. This marks a turning point in the film as the previously dense Brian becomes aware of his companion’s proclivity toward violence but is unable to intervene and stop the very nature of the man he is studying. While it is a bit coincidental that the researcher randomly meets his target subject such a manner, director Dominic Sena is able to keep things moving at a steady pace to avoid free time devoted to the whys and hows. Nothing here is forced or unnaturally accelerated as we see Pitt transform from a strange, but normal guy to a raving killer.

Of the cast, Duchovny is perfecting his Fox Mulder as a calm, level-headed and rather emotionless guy when confronted with suspicions about his traveling partner. I have always enjoyed Michelle Forbes, mostly on various TV shows, but she is excellent as the suspicious and almost stuck-up Northerner. The weak link here is Lewis, which while I can appreciate the complexity of someone who is not on a level playing field mentally, went a bit above and beyond to portray Adele’s naivety. The Coen’s staple composer Carter Burwell creates very haunting accompanying music to underscore the bleakness and depravity in the film.

While I had some issues with the overall structure of how it was portrayed and unfolded, Kalifornia is a solid drama based around real interactions with real people, one of whom just happens to be a psychopath.

This review DOES NOT contain spoilers and in fact, is quite vague as not to spoil the excellence of this film.

Despite the lack of a “horror” category tag above, this is very much a horror movie, one that is uninterested in raving serial killers and dealing instead with the frights of an inexplicably terrifying real situation. Now, being quite desensitized to standard horror fare, I can watch zombies and blood and maniacal torture with no problem. Frozen though was at times intense enough that I had to pause the DVD for a quick breather to break the tension.

Sure, some of Frozen may invoke the classic suspension of disbelief for the setup, but the rest of the film is as real and nerve-racking as a movie can get. What starts as a fun day on the slopes becomes a dangerous situation as three friends are stranded on a chairlift halfway up a mountain. Initially they sit thinking that the interruption was just a fluke or power outage but as more time passes they come to the conclusion that they are stranded fifty feet in the air until the resort opens the following weekend.

As over two-thirds of the film showcase only three people (or less at times), the main fault of the film could very well have been the characters. Fortunately, this is not the case as the principal actors involved are phenomenal. I rarely use such verbiage but I cannot think of a better adjective here. The relationship between best friends Dan (Kevin Zegers) and Lynch (Shawn Ashmore) feels playful and genuine, even during the serious moments at the beginning as Lynch complains about Dan ditching him and his buddies for girlfriend Parker and the even more serious down the line as the trio is stuck in midair.

When the shit hits the fan though, it is Emma Bell as Parker who really shines. She convincingly pulls off the happy-go-lucky girl at the beginning, using sex appeal and her flirtatiousness to score an unpaid lift ticket all the way to the wrecked and distraught survivor on the chair. As the obvious female of the group, she has the more emotional scenes (not to mention some of the more gross aspects) but she delivers in some of the most emotional monologues ever put to film. Ashmore is no slouch though as his role requires a complete reversal for his character arc to proceed from a self-involved ass to the hero more or less of the film.

The thing that is refreshing about Frozen though is that there are not really heroes and villains in the traditional sense. Sure, you can consider a pack of wolves or frostbite the real enemies but really there is no fault and no one to blame for what happens in the movie, there is just bad luck. Green has crafted a movie devoid of the asininity of contrived drama or artificial threats. What remains is reality when three very different people are stuck in an impossible situation where they are outnumbered by the forces of nature that could mean their demise. While some have cried foul over the characters’ decisions and actions here, any sensible person can see the fear and panic behind the eyes of the three characters and believe in everything they do as something you would do yourself in such a situation.

While you would imagine a movie based in a stationary chair, suspended above a frozen mountain would be boring, this cannot be further from the truth. There is always something going on, whether it is an action to free themselves from their frozen tomb or just causal conversation to ward off the fear of being frozen alive. Regardless of what is going on, you cannot help but be engaged as Green, Bell, Zegers, and Ashmore make a mountain out of an almost certain deathtrap with some of the most excruciating character moments ever along the way.

With over a dozen films written and directed by Joel and Ethan Coen (not to mention the several dozen nominations and awards as well), it is fun to go back and watch their first venture into filmmaking and see the same traits that make their movies stand out now implanted in film over twenty five years ago. One of the most powerful movies I have watched over the past few years was the Coen’s No Country For Old Men and even with two decades separating them, I saw a lot in Blood Simple. that would come into play again and again in their films.

The title comes from the novel Red Harvest by Dashiell Hammett to describe the behaviors and actions of a person after a particularly traumatic experience. The first half of the movie is a slow burn as we are introduced to Ray and Abby, two budding lovers much to the chagrin of Abby’s husband who happens to be Ray’s boss. After Marty, the husband, receives confirmation of their adultery from a private investigator, he decides to have Ray and Abby killed and tasks the PI with the job. If you do not know more about the plot already, just skip any other reviews of synopses most of which give away what would be a superb dramatic turn leading into the back half of the film.

Much like No Country, Blood Simple is paced in a slow and methodical way that serves to heighten the tension without relying on cheap gimmicks or rapid-fire editing, almost coming across similiar to an adaption of a stage play. Throughout the film, a vast majority of the scenes are played out with a stationary camera and a quiet audio track as characters are either contemplating their next move or examining what they have previously done (or at least thought that they have done). This is the equivalent of sitting on a front porch in the country watching cars or livestock or something like that. It is slow, delicate, but oddly entertaining as while you might initially think nothing is happening, you would be quite wrong. Frequent Coen brothers collaborator Carter Burwell provides the music which is very deliberate and haunting in its minimalist approach just like the movie itself.

M. Emmet Walsh steals the show as the unnamed investigator who starts off as an obnoxious, and possibly drunk loud-mouth yet over the course of the story transforms into a violent sociopath as he attempts to cover up his involvement in a murder. The shift in the character is done in a very convincing manner where he believes he has gotten away with everything until he realizes there is damning evidence to link him to the events. I thought at first that his character was merely supposed to be a joke to his goofy demeanor but that was just a front to mask the real horror behind his crazy-Texan act as he becomes unhinged to clear up the mess that was not supposed to be.

Francis McDormand is in it as well (I know that’s a shocker) but while her character really has little to do until the final few scenes she gives it her all with a sense of innocence and naivety that few actress could have realistically pulled off. We also have Dan Hedaya, also known as the hairiest man on Earth, as Marty who is excellent in the many stages of his performance from jilted lover, revenge-thirsty fiend, and the man who literally has everything to lose. The most surprisingly excellent member of the cast was John Getz as Ray, who you may know better as Gus from Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitter’s Dead. Getz’s performance as such is full of anguish and guilt as he technically is guilty of a heinous crime but is believing he has acted to protect Abby.

Because of the leisurely pace that the Coens’ use to show the events, the main crux of the movie falls on these very flawed characters. In such a tale, there is really no protagonist and no antagonist, just real people faced with the situation at hand. Even with the possible exception of Abby, all of our principal cast are of dubious morals at best, downright dangerous at worst. The story is constructed in such an intricate way that while the audience knows exactly what is going on, the characters do not. And while a few simple conversations between the key individuals would set everything straight to find out who’s right, who’s wrong, and what the hell is going on, all of the characters are acting in the moment, trying to hide behind their misdeeds or complacent in their inaccurate theory of the events. This is a movie which does not have traditional character development in the sense of their background and underlying driving factors. But much like the title explains, these are real, breathing characters trying to make sense of madness and plan their next step ahead under their false interpretations of events.

Much like any other Coen Brothers’ movie I have seen, this is an engaging tale with very tense, climatic scenes interspersed with character elements to give the film a very human touch.

I love it when I find a movie I have never heard of, and it turns out to be good.

Video X: The Dwayne and Darla-Jean Story would have you believe that you are watching actual events from a video shot by a couple from Kentucky. You aren’t, but the film does a damn good job making you think you are. Dwayne and Darla-Jean are starting a new life and heading to Little River, and are video taping the escapade.  While at a campground, they are robbed and all of their money is stolen. They are nowhere near their destination, and Dwayne refuses to go back home, and be ridiculed for failing on day 1 of their journey. They resort to stealing from a convenience store, and the plan goes horribly awry, and their vacation becomes a completely different kind of road trip. I will summarize no further, so as not to ruin the pleasant progression that occurs.

I have yet to see a film shot in this hand held video style, ala Blair Witch Project, that successfully has me believe that the character(s) filming would not at some point stop filming as the events that are transpiring become bigger than them, and they should perhaps focus more on surviving than taping. This film is no exception. However it is the most realistic film of that style I have seen. There are no credits. At all. It just starts right in with the video until the tape runs out and then cuts to black. Not even a title card. The camera goes back and forth between Dwayne and Darla-Jean and even Billy, someone they pick up at a diner. The video is quite random in that it will just cut to another shot, sometimes in rapid succession. There are even a few shots of a birthday party that the couple were taping over.

I don’t know if Joey Gibson (Dwayne) and Michelle Moretti (Darla-Jean) improvised their parts at all, but they were both fascinating to watch. At no point did I think I was watching them “act.” It was literally like watching their home video. Unfortunately, no one in smaller roles could really act so it sort of ruined that effect, but overall, it did not detract that much from the film. Most of the smaller roles were confined to the beginning of the film so as it progresses, you forget about those performances. Dwayne’s transformation was absolutely believable and almost hypnotic. You see a complete journey from care free, to timid and frightened but somewhat in control, then losing all sense of hesitation and crossing that line that we wonder how ever gets crossed. Gibson plays him perfectly; panicked and making poor decisions under pressure. Just trying to accomplish one goal, and doing what he needs to do to make it happen. It was a great inside look at how someone gets to the point of doing things they never thought they would do. There are also genuinely funny moments between Dwayne and Darla-Jean that let you know how much like us they are. They even get engaged to be engaged, which makes you want things to turn out well for them.

I think what impressed me most about this film, is that there is nothing in it that would make it great. There are no special effects. There is no soundtrack. I mean, comparatively, these aren’t Oscar worthy performances (or are they?).  It came out after Blair Witch, so the idea isn’t new. It just exists. And yet I was quite impressed and pleased with it. This is a perfect example of how to make a decent film on a slim budget. I mean, it makes sense, doesn’t it? You want to make a film about a southern couple who end up as killers, but you don’t have a lot of money? Give the camera to the actors. Have someone stand in front of their victim so you don’t have to show that much blood. Have something happen a little off camera if you can’t realistically show something happen.

Again, at some point, as I usually do, I said out loud, “Why are they still filming?” I don’t think you can really successfully make a film like this that would not have you ask that, but Video X came damn close, and even though I did, I still thoroughly enjoyed it. Very much recommended.

This movie is shocking! Yes, the fairly intriguing  premise and lackluster delivery is shocking to say the least.

Feed introduces us to Phillip Jackson, an Australian detective as he is on a case in Hamburg. We watch as he discovers a man feeding another man his own penis. We then watch as he and his partner Nigel, move on to another project. They comb the internet in a sloppily paced and sort of confusing 10 minutes or so looking for a cyber crime worth mouthing off to the Captain and putting their badges on the line for. They find a site that has a live web cam of a man feeding a 600 lb woman. Phillip (luckily for the audience) explains to Nigel how this fetish works, and what feeders and gainers are. As Phillip explores and tries to gain access to the site’s restricted areas, he figures out what is really going on. This man is force feeding woman and taking bets on how long they will live and how much weight they will gain. Hooray, a cyber crime to solve! In some pretty questionable tracing techniques (not morally questionable; plausible questionable), he discovers where the site is run, Ohio. Instead of being sent there to investigate, his sanity is questioned by his boss (after he is found crying in the bathroom) and he is put on a suspension. Does this stop him from going to America? Well that would make for a boring film, wouldn’t it? Don’t worry, he goes. Yes he still manages to make a boring film out of it.

If I had to pick the thing that bothered me the most about this film, it would be the seemingly over abundance of opportunities to disgust and sicken me, that failed to do anything of the sort. Well, the penis eating thing did, and that was at the beginning of the film so I assumed there would be much more horrible things to follow. Not that the concept isn’t horrible, it is. It’s also not a common plot for a film, which peaked my interest. In fact, so shock-less was it, that it wasn’t even until the film had ended that I realized I sort of witnessed cannibalism. I would rather have had that aspect played up a bit, and the pointless sex scenes between Phillip and his whore girlfriend toned down some. I realize that this was done to give us some idea of Phillip’s own sexual behavior, but it had absolutely no relevance to the rest of the film. Yes there is a morbidly obese woman eating and puking. Yes there is a man masturbating while smearing her with food. Yes, these ideas are quite disturbing, but the execution was not. To be honest with you, I am not sure where it failed. It certainly wasn’t the performance of  Alex O’Loughlin, as Michael, the feeder. He was quite good. I definitely believed his motives and psychosis as we learned about his childhood. Perhaps it was the abysmal dialogue and acting by everyone else. It was rather distracting. Maybe so distracting that it was more outrageous than funnel feeding a fat woman. Maybe because Phillip was the dumbest law enforcement agent I have ever met, aside from Proctor, of Police Academy “fame.” That too, was quite a distraction. Whatever it was, it’s a shame, as this film really could have been quite disturbingly good, but instead, pretty much failed. Another thing that bothered the shit out of me were the awful covers of songs like, “Tainted Love,” “Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini,” and “Lips Like Sugar,” cleverly inserted in the appropriate spots.

Now  I am not suggesting that the only reason why this is a bad film is because it did not disgust me. That is one reason, but not the only. It isn’t really a positive however, that the film had the perfect recipe to do so, and yet did not. Once again, a film that may have been too ambitious for its budget. Perhaps if it had been given a director that didn’t have the least popular Highlander installment on his resume, he or she would have been given sufficient money to hire more than one decent actor (and obviously, it would have been more competently directed). Perhaps a re-imagining is in order.