After PBF’s rant about Julia Roberts the other day, I began to think about actors that either were once great but have since floundered out or those that I did not initially care for. Sadly, most of these actors are still making movies and collecting large paychecks while I actively avoid anything they are in, regardless of the quality (or lack thereof) of the film.
Katherine Heigl
Granted, my only exposure to her is from Bride of Chucky, Knocked Up, and the small portions of Grey’s Anatomy that I’ve been forced to watch (I shall refuse to link to that), but I don’t understand her appeal. She was mildly funny in Apatow’s Knocked Up but the rest of her resume kill any amount of goodwill that had afforded her. And yet, she has two projects in development and yet another she was just recently attached to star in. From what I’ve seen, she not particularly talented (unless the right people are feeding her lines) and reportedly is kind of a bitch to deal with. Cut her loose Hollywood. Give all of her parts from now on to Danielle Harris.
Michael Cera
Let me start by saying Arrested Development is quite possibly the best TV show ever and Cera fit in quite well with the kooky bunch of Bluths. He was also rather good in Superbad and Juno. But the problem is (and I know I’m not the first one to say this), he falls into the Vince Vaughn trap of playing the same fucking character every time, with some minor tweaks to accommodate the story. And for those somewhat memorable roles, who actually saw Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist or Youth in Revolt? And he was (allegedly) holding out on the Arrested Development movie? For what? Playing opposite Jack Black in another movie I have absolutely not interest in seeing? So, the solution is to rotate the roles for shy, awkward, young male roles between Cera and his Jewish cousin Jesse Eisenberg. That way, we get the same performance but neither of them are too burdened.
Tom Cruise
Will someone please tell Tom Cruise to stick with the more risque and off-the-wall gigs like Magnolia or Tropic Thunder? These roles work because no one really expects Tom Cruise to be a foul-mouthed motivational speaker or a foul-mouthed movie executive. Maybe he should stick to raunchy roles. Anyways, no one really wants to see (or judging by box office reports, did) a dramatic turn in fair like Lions for Lambs and Valkyrie. With the exception of the Mission: Impossible bastardization series, there really are not too many recent notable movies for Cruise. Now, I’m not one to hold off-set shenanigans against someone (except for Heigl) but his nuttiness distracts from the good-looking, average Joe roles that he seems most famous for. Maybe divorcing Nicole wasn’t the best play for you, Tom.
Robin Williams
Has Robin Williams ever been funny? He seems marketed as a comedian and may have in fact been at one time in the past but I haven’t seen anything out of him in the past fifteen years to back that up. I will give him props for Conan’s penultimate Tonight Show appearance but RV or License to Wed? These might be fine movies in their own right but IMDb ratings indicate otherwise. In fact, I think he best roles are dramatic turns such as playing the creepy guy in One Hour Photo or as a grieving father on the great defunct show Homicide. Now, I’ll admit I got a mild chuckle out of The Birdcage but I’m going to call that the exception to his past performances. Now, cast him as an Islamic terrorist on 24 and I’ll watch that. Then again, I’d watch it anyways so nevermind.
Eddie Murphy
In reverse chronological order: Imagine That, Meet Dave, Norbit, Daddy Day Care, I Spy, Doctor Dolittle, and my favorite Bevery Hills Cop III. What do all of these films have in common? They suck balls. I think with the exception of playing Donkey in the ever waning Shrek series, Eddie Murphy should not appear on celluloid ever again.
For the record, the car in the image is a Chevrolet Celebrity, the same car Neil Prescott drives in Scream. And its worth more than what I would pay for any of the above mentioned actors.
February 11th, 2010 at 3:53 pm
i agree for the most part, especially Captain Insano Mr. Cruise. Michael Eisenberg/Jesse Cera do play that role quite well, and it is hopefully early enough in their respective careers that they will branch away from the typecasting. Robin Williams does seem to get less funny the farther down the timeline we get away from the coked-up psychopath stand up comedian he started as. But in all seriousness, Fuck Tom Cruise.
February 11th, 2010 at 3:58 pm
Arrested Development one of the best TV shows ever? Are you drunk…and high? Granted I probably only saw 3 full episodes but It was worth passing gas during let alone even cracking a smile. Granted my dislike of it probably comes from the fact that I would add Jason Bateman to the list of worthless celebs. I will chalked that up to a mistake on your part. Your picks are pretty dead on though. I believe the existence of Robin Williams and Tom Cruise is the only reason we can’t achieve world peace!!!
February 11th, 2010 at 6:11 pm
Cringer,
Thanks for following the site and the reply. I appreciate your comment and understand that some people may not appreciate the genius that is Arrested Development. That said, you are a damn fool for not liking Jason Bateman! That concept is unexcused! Jason Bateman sits on the right hand of … someone! Curses!
February 11th, 2010 at 7:35 pm
I agree with Puck again on the subject of Mr. Bateman. Arrested Development was an excellent show, that had a host of comedic talent. David Cross is one the funniest men alive, chipmunk movies not withstanding. He is even funny there, but even he can’t save those from being drivel. A person to add to this list: John Travolta. Has he made anything even passable since faceoff? I submit he has not.
February 12th, 2010 at 11:10 am
If you haven’t had an opportunity to see “The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3″ then I suggest you do. John Travolta played an excellent character in that movie. Beyond that, I’d have to agree with you. Let me throw in another one for discussion, Keanu Reaves. It’s a damn good thing the first Matrix was good because he hasn’t done jack worth watching since.
February 12th, 2010 at 11:11 am
…also, maybe do the opposite list. I’d like to see who your top picks are.
February 12th, 2010 at 6:45 pm
I do have a large man crush on Bradley Cooper. I would DEFINITELY include him in a list of underemployed actors.
February 19th, 2010 at 11:40 pm
I think you forgot The Haunted Mansion and The Adventures of Pluto Nash on Eddie Murphy’s terrible resume.
February 19th, 2010 at 11:42 pm
Honestly, the section on Eddie Murphy initially dwarfed the rest of the list so I had to pick and choose.
March 11th, 2010 at 2:16 pm
Why isn’t Samuel L jakson up there. All he does is yell at you whenever he isn’t giving a tired speech. THe last thing he was good in was Black Snake Mone…because he wasn’t playing himself. I liked Bevery Hills Cop III. It isn’t great but I can name worse (cough cough, pluto nash).
March 11th, 2010 at 11:27 pm
Now, Samuel L Jackson is an interesting choice. I suspect that maybe he is rather charismatic enough to avoid lists like these. Or perhaps because I love Die Hard with a Vengeance too much.
April 17th, 2010 at 10:53 am
Samuel doesn’t act anymore. He yells….a lot. He doesn’t even try to change his voice, catch phrases, nothing. He pissed me off when he had that little hissy fit with marvel about not being paid enough for his upcoming roles in the adventure films. He needs to get over himself.
June 9th, 2010 at 1:24 am
I want to add my vote but I don’t know his name nor do I even remotely care to look it up. That guy from the movie “Hamlet 2″
P.S Tom Cruise is still a dick and I refuse to ever see another movie with him in it!!!
June 9th, 2010 at 10:56 pm
At least Tom Cruise can act lol.