If there was any series I felt would have gotten better with age, it was Hatchet. Admittedly, the first took a few viewings to really get into but Adam Green‘s almost perfect balance of comedy, horror, and gore left me greatly anticipating his follow-up to the Victor Crowley saga. Alas, I guess I will be anticipating the just announced Hatchet III even more.

Picking up right where the first left off, Marybeth is battling Crowley when she manages to escape and head back to Reverend Zombie’s place where she learns of her family’s involvement in Crowley’s misfortune. Marybeth is determined to go back to the swamp to retrieve the remains of her family and exact revenge on ol’ Hatchetface. By the force of blackmail, Zombie agrees to accompany her with a gaggle of heavily armed rednecks. The story is cringe-inducingly forced but all we want to see is more blood, guts, dismemberments, and other acts of violence. In that manner at least, Hatchet II does not disappoint.

The biggest problem I had with the film was that it felt more like a straight-to-video release by a bunch of guys who liked the original but lacked any of the talent that Green had exhibited in the first (or even Frozen). It is even more sad that this movie came about from the same director, a larger budget, and even Danielle Harris! The somewhat fleshed-out characters that you might possibly care about or the great sense of humor and almost self-depreciating sense of the first are totally absent. Sure the over-the-top violence and large blood spatters are still present but it is impossible to give a shit when the characters are the annoying cinematic equivalent of cardboard cutouts. Well, given that I have seen the latter Friday the 13th movies, it is not impossible but damn difficult. There is even a fair amount of backstory in the film which is nice in theory but only served to drag down the story. I mean, Crowley is already messed up, do we really need to know it was because of a curse from his father’s dying wife?

Harris, whom normally I love, was quite annoying as the faux-Marybeth. The first Marybeth was tough and determined and while Harris is able to tap into that during a handful of scenes, the rest of the time she is just whining, quivering, or cowering. Tony Todd (whom normally I am ambivalent toward) as the esteemed Rev. Zombie was actually quite good. I worried that his shtick from the first would wear quickly but the real man behind the flamboyant makeup is cold and calculating. The rest of the cast consists of some notable names like Tom Holland and AJ Bowen who were okay in their roles but were wasted before they could really stand out. I realize that is a stupid argument in a slasher movie but compared to the random, yet still endearing, fodder from the first, these characters were as thin as tissue paper. Of course, Kane Hodder returns as Victor Crowley who is a frightening sight as he chokes a man with his own intestines or takes a belt sander to a skull.

On the technical front, this installment felt much cheaper than the original. Even with purportedly the same crew as the first, everything felt and looked off. Some of the background sound dropped out, the photography looked like it was filmed on the Movie Scum video camera, and overall the film just seemed more rough around the edges than it should have been. Green’s direction though still stuck out as he is fully capable of creating a horrendous and tense scene when everything comes together. Even some of the brief moments of levity were positioned just as they were in the first. The carnage though was much better this time around with more variety in the massacre. As it was released unrated in theaters last October, this film does not hold back when it comes to the blood and guts in a manner that is difficult to take seriously yet hard not to admire if you grew up on such things.

It is not a bad movie to say the least. Sure, there are some questionable choices pertaining to the casting and production but Hatchet was not concocted for a rich look into cinema. The most disheartening thing though was that this movie falls greatly in the shadow of its predecessor. I guess in a way, that is almost to be expected.

**THIS REVIEW MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS**

If watching Inside can be expressly cautioned for pregnant women and generally squeamish people, Grace is the natural extension of that film putting to film the notion that I am sure all new mothers wonder: “What if my baby is really a bloodsucking demon/zombie child?”

Directed by Paul Solet, Grace is a feature length version of his short of the same name and concept starring Brian Austin Green and Liza Weil as soon-to-be new parents Jimmy and Madeline. Sadly Jimmy (well, Michael in the full-length) dies in a car accident which also leaves Madeline badly hurt and the baby dead as well. Some either miraculous or creepy event happens after Madeline carries the deceased child to term but it comes back to life as she attempts to breastfeed it. She then shuts herself in with no one but her midwife Patricia to turn to when Grace starts taking a liking to Mommy’s blood rather than the breastmilk.

Even though I had not seen the short film (but who wouldn’t with BAG in it??) or read too terribly much about the film, I was aware of the basis for the plot thus it is kind of a spoiler but not really. I mean, you probably can take a really good guess from the poster alone. Really even though Grace is the driving force in the movie, it hinges on the lengths that Madeline, a vegan mother who preferred to spend her days watching the dead animal carcass channel, will go to to ensure the “health” of her child. Seeing as how the bulk of the story seems to take place in the course of just a few months after the birth, this is not as much a killer kid movie as it is a look at denial and delusions and what some people will do for their children.

Madeline is played here by Jordan Ladd and was a strong choice for the character as she and her actions take up a bulk of the film. Some of the strongest performances come in the weeks after Grace’s birth where Madeline is not only depressed over the loss of her husband and worn out from attending to the needs of a newborn but also joyous for the miracle baby. In many instances, these emotions are present and overlapping as one might expect a woman in her situation would have. Even as Madeline discovers Grace’s hunger and begins to sacrifice her health for the baby, she begins to waste away like a malnourished child in a third-world country. Madeline’s mother-in-law played by Gabrielle Rose is overbearing and likely just as deranged (in a less homicidal way) as a post-menopausal woman who still expresses breast milk with a pump hidden in her son’s former room. She poses a menacing presence to Grace’s secret as she is constantly pestering Madeline and sending people to check on her and the baby.

For a movie that was expanded from a six minute short, it does not feel padded as the pacing is brisk and the movie clocks in at less than an hour and a half. One element that seemed either thrust into the original story or one that was not expanded past what was in the original short was of Patricia, the midwife played by Samantha Ferris. She is in a great deal of the first act of the film but is conspicuously absent not long after the birth, dodging Madeline’s phone calls yet acting all stalker-y sitting outside the house. A love affair the two women had is fleetingly mentioned and then not paid off until the end of the film. I certainly would have preferred to see Patricia involved in the task of handling Grace throughout the movie as opposed to just appearing moments before the ending scene. One thing that I did like was the uncertainty about Grace and if she was really alive or if everything was in Madeline’s mind. The ambiguity is ushered by flies constantly gathering around Grace, phantom stinky smells with no corresponding baby output, and no one interacting with her other than Madeline. Some may point to the doctor’s visit as evidence that Grace is really alive as he hears sounds that she makes but I would even chalk that up to the fact that Madeline was crazy as fuck and could have a tape recording playing to help her delusions. Maybe at the end even Patricia is in on it. Who knows?

Grace was a good movie as even without a large amount of deaths it had some gore but mostly an unnerving message. There may be a dig in there at veganism as a non-meat-eating mother will go to the ends of the earth to destroy humans to feed her child but even without the social subtext it is quite disturbing. This is almost a perfect compliment to Inside, this time complete with a cameo by producer Adam Green. Just make sure to get your jollies on after seeing it.

***THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS***

Way back on Episode #2 (look how young we are!), Puck mentions a movie called Inside (À l’intérieur). At the time of the filming of that episode, I had not seen the movie.  In this episode he claims that the movie is gory. Yes. Yes it is.

Sarah, who is pregnant, and her husband Matthieu are involved in a car accident. Matthieu does not survive. Four months later, on Christmas Eve, an extremely depressed Sarah is at her doctor’s office for an appointment. The doctor tells her to come back the next day and they may induce her. He sends her home, telling her to “enjoy your last night of peace and quiet.” This is quite the opposite of what happens. While alone in her house, there is a knock on Sarah’s door. A woman needs to use the phone. Sarah, not wanting to be bothered, and perhaps just not wanting to let anyone in due to riots going on, tells the woman that her husband is sleeping and does not wish to wake him. The woman then calls Sarah by her name and tells her that she knows that her husband is dead. The woman eventually get in to the house and begins her task of taking Sarah’s unborn child, mainly through use of scissors.

There are a lot of things that should cause great dismay in this picture, yet it is oddly compelling. The very suggestion of a woman who is 9 months pregnant that is in the middle of a violent bloodbath, of which she is the central target, is not necessarily an enchanting sales pitch. However, the movie does keep you quite enthralled. Béatrice Dalle is simply fantastic as the revenge hyper driven woman at the door. She is just as twisted, menacing and psychotic as any man you will run across. The very first image in the film we see of a baby in the womb, and it’s reaction to the car accident. During various point of the film, when Sarah is engaged in combat, we again see these images of the fetus reacting to what’s happening. This is part of what keeps you from turning away even when the gore is at it’s worst. Your desire for Sarah and the child to survive is stronger as we see the helpless child reacting to stimuli. Also, the need to know who this woman is keeps you watching as well.  The deaths are quite brutal and on camera, and though the blood may spew forth like a fountain at times, the gore is rather realistic and not over done at all. There were a few things that did not make sense. At one point the police (who earlier were advised to check on Sarah during the night) stop by and the woman answers the door (Sarah has locked herself in the bathroom) pretending to be Sarah. At first the officers, suspect nothing and start to leave. Out of nowhere, they realize that the woman who answered the door was not pregnant and return. Knowing that something is afoot, at a house where an attempted break in was reported earlier, the choose not to detain the woman right away and let her stand there with one officer. After discovering something is going on, a third officer in the car decides to go in, with their arrestee attached to him by leash.  I found that a little odd, that a cop would take a perp in to a situation with gunfire involved. There is a ton of things that are questionable in here, especially the likelihood of Sarah’s baby surviving the accident and then the events of that night. I am not a physician, but that thought crossed my mind a couple of times.  However, in the end, it isn’t really that bothersome as the general vagueness of the “universe” of the film outside of this Christmas Eve allows for anything to be possible.

A definite must watch for gore fans, as it will not disappoint. You have been warned, however: it is a bit stabby.

Wow. I haven’t seen a franchise go downhill this quickly since A Nightmare on Elm Street 2 came out.

So, Feast II picks up after the first one stops. We see all but two of the survivors driving off, as we did in the last one. Biker Queen, who thankfully is a biker, as her name might make for an uncomfortable work day in another vocation, comes across a dog with a hand in it’s mouth. Like any other rational human being would do, she shoots the dog several times with a shotgun. Upon inspection, she notices that the hand has the other half of a tattoo that she also has; the word “sister.” We find out that Harley Mom, who was killed in the first movie and Biker Queen are sisters. Bartender, who had a sort of heart attack and his throat slashed in the first movie is on the ground nearby and Biker Queen questions him about her dead sister. Bartender explains that Bozo (one of the survivors that drives off at the beginning) was responsible. So Biker Queen takes him as a hostage and drives to town to try to find Bozo so she can kill him. We are introduced to various characters, only this time in a less clever fashion than in the first film. Their name only is shown this time, and each one sort of gives us a quick bio of them self. We see them at their jobs or home for a few minutes, and then monsters end up attacking and these characters end up escaping. Ultimately Biker Queen and her gang of girl bikers, two midget Mexican wrestlers named Thunder and Lightening (and their Grandmother), Slasher (car salesmen that slashes prices), his wife Secrets and the man she is cheating with (Greg Swanker) and Bartender end up having to form a group and survive this ordeal. We also run across Honey Pie who was a survivor of the first film, having made it out of the bar to a truck, but ended up driving off and leaving the others. Bartender gives her the beating of a lifetime, bites her ear off, and then pushes her out the window when he runs across her. Honey Pie ends up by herself having her own boring adventure for the entire film.

What disappointed me most about this film, was that it was gore just for gore’s sake. It was just blood blood blood, heads and torsos. And it is pretty vile. It wasn’t nearly as clever or funny as the first film. This time the film makers seemed to get a lot of kicks making the monsters piss and shit, rape cats and having all the humans vomit at least twice each. There was a catapult built from a motorcycle and clothes (excuse for nudity), and did I mention midget Mexican wrestlers? I’ll tell you another thing, this movie dragged so much. Part of the problem was the side “story” of Honey Pie trapped in a store. Absolutely nothing happened with her (unless you count a really weird dream involving maggots).  Bartender could have just killed her and the movie would have been just fine without her. I suspect she was just a time filler. It was great; we would have a really long stretch of boring shit with the main group, then cut to a really long stretch of boring shit with Honey Pie. My assumption is, that in order to try and make this different than the first film which took place entirely in a bar, the film makers wanted this one to be on the move, and have people survive longer. This unfortunately did not work. It screwed the pace up horribly.  It also just abruptly stops, indicating that there will be a sequel (which there is) only further pissing me off that nothing got resolved during the previous 97 minutes.

The only thing further I can say is, this made me miss Henry Rollins.

*THIS REVIEW MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS*

In season 3 of Project Greenlight, Marcus Dunston and Patrick Melton (writers), as well as John Gulager (director) were selected as the winners, and got to make Feast.

Feast opens in a bar in the middle of a desert, where the patrons are doing normal bar things, like shooting pool and drinking. A man comes in covered in blood, with the head of some creature, and explains that there are 4 of these things, and they are hungry. He is asked who he is and he replies, “I’m the guy that is going to save your ass.” He is then immediately pulled through a window and eaten, the first one to die. His name? “Hero.” The rest of the film is spent watching the group band together and try to survive.

I liked the movie within the first minute. The characters are introduced one at a time with on-screen identification in the format of name, occupation, fun fact, and life expectancy. Some of the data that fills out these categories is quite hilarious. One character’s life expectancy is “dies a horrible death in 70 minutes.” Others falsely lead you to believe that the character may survive the film, so it is not entirely accurate. The movie is just good fun. Plenty of blood splatter and gore. Quality not at all affected by it’s limited budget. On the surface it is a pretty standard “modern” creature horror movie. Typical, group of people forced to work together and over come differences formula is used. Has all the usual stereotypes: old people, a drunk old person, a redneck, parent with child, pretty woman, dumb guy, etc. They all have descriptive names such as Heroine, Beer Guy and Harley Mom. The movie does however acknowledge it’s formulaic horror movie status by characters spouting lines like, “It’s been awhile since someone was killed, and it seems like it’s time for one of us to get offed.” It does a pretty good job of being fairly amusing while still being the cheesy gore fest you want to see. It also chooses to break formula at some points, by killing characters that, normally may not die, or if they did at least not as early in the film. I also found it hilarious that one of the group just completely abandons the rest of them out of nowhere.  Feast is really just a good time and is humorous enough to make the gore not seem as offensive as it could be.

Obviously not any Oscar worthy performances, or anything like that, but sometimes you just want to watch a movie and enjoy the pure escapism of it. Feast is a fine film to use in that capacity.