I love DVDs. Right after high school, I was buying at least a half dozen a week if not more. Yet there are several things that just pluck my nerves. This list is not in any particular order and certainly not inclusive. I am quite sure there could be a revisit to this topic eventually.

9. “Large Screen” Releases
Essentially, these are films originally in a larger aspect ration, usually 2.40:1, that are cropped during a certain group of scenes. Not only do I despise not watching movies in their original ratios, the way this was handled for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen was quite poor, and I’m not only referring to the movie itself. The jump back and forth between scenes (and even different shots within the same scene) is quite jarring. I know a normal movie-goer might not notice but it is rather annoying regardless.

8. Delayed Releases
Now that Netflix and Redbox have caved to several studios’ demands to withhold new releases for almost a month after they hit DVD, the only way to see The Blind Side, Sherlock Holmes, and now Avatar on DVD is to either buy them outright or go to Blockbuster (and who really wants to do that) only to get a stripped down version lacking any extras. Not only does that make things more difficult for us at Movie Scum, Inc. to keep up with the newest films, regular consumers who might be looking for the latest generic rom-com from these studios in their normal venues might get discouraged and give up. Or if they are tech savvy enough, they will just download it illegally.

7. Cheaper DVD Cases
Back in the day, I could not stand those Warner cardboard cases but at least they fell relatively sturdy even if they just fell apart ten years later. Now, the latest trend is to take a regular case with a nice, happy recycle sign where the insert (remember those?) used to go. Allegedly, these are better for the environment as they use less plastic but every time I go to remove a disc, I feel like the whole case will either break in half or break the disc in the process of getting it out. Give me that extra three slivers of plastic back and go plant a tree or something to feel better.

6. Unskippable Previews
When I sat down to watch Sherlock Holmes, I was treated to at least eight to ten previews of some sort. They were mostly movie trailers with a few video game previews and even a non-smoking ad. The problem was the next chapter option was disabled and the only way to skip through was to fast forward. As every other preview started a new chapter which you had to then hit fast forward again, this was quite an arduous task that took about five minutes to get to the actual menu itself. So, for all the trailers and the mind-boggling thought involved, the menu did not even have a scene selection option. What the hell?

5. Stupid Floating Heads vs. Original Poster Art
There has been much written on this in other venues but it is still irritating when a perfectly good (and appropriate to the film) theatrical poster is jettisoned for the DVD release because it is not as flashy. I quite enjoy most all of the Nightmare on Elm Street series poster art (even for the crap ones) but for the single DVD releases, these awesome posters were replaced by the always popular floating heads and bad photoshop backgrounds. The same thing happened to the James Bond re-re-releases some time ago. I shudder to think of what an awesome, minimalist poster like The Thing would look like if released today.

4. Lackluster Collections
To mention the Sherlock Holmes DVD yet again, there was in one of the aforementioned trailers a collection of all of Clint Eastwood’s Warner Brothers films which actually looked quite good and thorough. However, most DVD collections leave much to be desired. This could be for a number of different reasons — lack of competing studio cooperation, lack of behind-the-scenes involvement, etc. — but most give you the same movies you can buy separately but with an additional disc for extras not available otherwise. So, you can buy all the films (including the ones you don’t want or already have) just for the bonus or miss out. And even worse, they are not “complete” collections which leave out the good stuff. I have yet to see any deleted scenes from the original Nightmare on Elm Street other than an Anchor Bay VHS from about fifteen years ago even after two collection releases and a standalone special edition. Not to mention that it took Paramount three tries (one single disc, one collection, subsequent “special-er” editions) to get decent releases of the Friday the 13th series.

3. Stupid “Special Edition” Names
I guess when you release the same movie countless times, there has to be a way to differentiate between each. Most of these DVD nomenclatures attempt to tie into the movie but, seriously? Pretty in Pink: Everything’s Duckie Edition; Planes, Trains, and Automobiles (Those Aren’t Pillows Edition); 13 Going on 30: Fun & Flirty Edition. Whatever happened to just plain old Special or Ultimate Edition? Check here for some special edition names that may or may not come to fruition.

2. Rerelease Hell
You know that little movie Avatar that is being released on DVD this week? Can’t wait to see the quadrillion dollar grossing picture in lackluster at home 3D? Ah, you’re going to have to wait as that is being withheld for another version down the line. At least (some) consumers had the knowledge going in that a better version was coming out but what about the other films that are released almost bare with the intention to release a better version down the line. Studios are all about cashing in on popular franchises so it makes sense from their end to release whatever they can as fast as they can but for those fans who want, I dunno, promised special director’s cuts or more in-depth special features, they have to either be patient and wait for the in-the-pipeline better release or buy two versions of the same movie.

1. Same Movie, Three Different DVDs
The trend used to be different version for full-screen n00bs and widescreen which made it hell to receive a DVD as a gift from someone who does not know different. While that still happens, there are now separate releases for theatrical version, bare-bones uncut version with digital version, uncut version with special features, theatrical version full screen with a commentary only available on that disc. If you want to have everything available, you have to buy at minimum two discs, if not more! Whatever happened to that awesome seemless branching thing that DVDs were advertised with back in the day to allow different versions on the same disc? Is it really that much easier to have eight different SKUs for the same movie? Damn all that.

Post-publish addendum:
Dear Disney,
Remember all of those DVDs you released in your first year or two that are non-anamorphic, bare bones releases? If you can’t at least go back and add in a commentary or something, at least clean it up so a VHS bootleg copy doesn’t look better than your product.
Sincerely,
Puck

False advertising is a big deal when it comes to businesses and consumer products. The laws on the books act to protect consumers against being misled about the product or service they are buying from inflated claims, inaccurate results, or overall deception. The United States even has the FTC, a government agency whose primary purpose is to protect buyers from all kinds of shenanigans. Why am I talking about this? Well, I am angry that there is no entertainment based equivalent to the FTC which would prevent unsuspecting movie goers from shelling out money on crap films.

When I saw The Crazies this weekend, attached to the print was a new trailer for the upcoming Nightmare on Elm Street remake. As I previously worried based on the test screening reviews, this remake could very well suck balls and destroy my own personal, nostalgic 80s universe by further bastardizing the franchise already undone by the likes of Freddy’s Dead and Freddy vs. Jason. But, as I sat in the darkened movie theater and realized what movie was being previewed, my concerns started to dwindle. This new Nightmare trailer was chock full of jump scares, creepy images, and effective call-backs to the original. For just a moment, I had completely forgot about the nervous article I had written just three days before. As the trailer ended and the feature began, I did not have the time or opportunity to really dwell on it. Now, more than 24 hours after seeing that, I realize the new Nightmare will probably suck and I’ll likely hate it even more just because of that trailer.

Now, I certainly understand that the entire purpose of trailers is for marketing purposes only and not necessarily to give you an accurate idea or feel for the film at hand. In fact, it would be quite difficult to create a two and a half minute preview which addressed and covered all the relevant information for the upcoming movie. For the good or even decent movies though, the trailer gives you a good sense of what to expect for the full ninety minutes or more of the movie. For the bad movies, the trailer is the little white lie which spirals out of the control of its creators and takes on a life of its own, destroying lives in the process. Okay, maybe that was a bit dramatic but trailers for bad movies are especially evil as the best editors seem to work on those exclusively, trying to shrink two hours of fail into a minute and a half of passably decent scenes to sucker in viewers across the country. If you need an example, look at the trailer for the Friday the 13th remake and compare that to the final product.

Therefore, I propose we enact legislation to ensure that promotional materials for an upcoming release match the quality of the film itself. Just like it is illegal to sell a cream that claims it will turn you into Cyndi Lauper, it should be illegal to pass a movie off as hip and edgy and featuring music from Stabbing Westward if it does not (I’m looking in your direction Mod Squad)! So how do we quantify and equate the quality of the preview to the movie itself? Just put a bunch of movie fans and let them watch the feature followed by the preview. Is your movie not as funny as it tries to be? Let’s put one of those failed jokes right smack at the start. Is your top-billed star only in approximately thirteen minutes of the two hour movie? We can just go ahead and trim out every other frame of that actor to create a jarring effect that would eventually be rather common to film goers. It’s as simple as that. It would not cost the studios any additional advertising dollars and maybe then can we rid the world of actors who need to go away for good.

Now all of that having been said, check out the new Nightmare trailer.

What makes a remake great? Or a reboot? In fact, what the hell is the difference?

To view, click the link below. If it prompts you for a download, select open file and that will open Windows Media Player to view it.

If available, you can also view the video in the embedded player below.

Enjoy.

Movie Scum Episode #11

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Fresh on the heels of our upcoming remake/reboot/bootmagining episode comes a spate of news, photos, and information for the latest revisit to a horror franchise, A Nightmare on Elm Street. As I have previously said, I hold the entire Nightmare series very highly regarded, weak parts and all from my nostalgic recollection of them.

My fear though was and still remains to be that the re-whatever will end up being underwhelming like Friday the 13th, also remade by the same production company Platinum Dunes. It now appears that my fears are founded in reality. Ain’t It Cool News has a spoiler-filled review that pretty much eviscerates the film. In fact, in looking at the released production photos, it seems that the overall concept of the film has remained intact, with scenes looking almost identical to the original. Now, there is more of an origin story for Freddy which I am happy about but if the movie ends up destroying any hopes I had of a new and goodNightmare movie in my lifetime, I could have just stuck with the episode of Freddy’s Nightmares instead.

So, it might be a little too late as it is set to premiere April 30 but I hope that any flaws of the movie can be addressed and corrected. Regardless though, I will be seeing the movie on opening day despite any negative reviews I read in hopes that everyone else is just wrong. God, I hope everyone is wrong.