I seem to recall in days past that the end of summer was a dumping ground of cinematic refuse but it appears that August is the month of choice for many films that may or may not be worth a damn.

Piranha 3D

Of course, if Piranha fails to deliver, Puck will be a very foul man for the following days. I do not worry about this happening though. After all, how could a movie which casts Elisabeth Shue, Ving Rhames, Eli Roth, Christopher Lloyd, and Richard Dreyfuss under the control of High Tension director Alexandre Aja about prehistoric man-eating fish be bad? My feeble mind cannot comprehend such an absurd notion for the movie that is destined to be my first feature length experience in an additional dimension. Bring it on, midnight showing!

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Vampires Suck

On the complete opposite end of the viewing pleasure spectrum is this piece of trash from the talentless hacks involved in Scary Movie, Date Movie, Epic Movie, and Superhero Movie Meet the Spartans. As it opened today, there have been numerous reviews published already and the majority of which I can almost guarantee are funnier than anything in the movie itself. Thus far, the film is at a big fat 0% on Rotten Tomatoes but that is only with ten reviews so I’m sure some jackass will mess it up and give it a positive review because he hates the world.

In fact, I defy you to watch the attached trailer and argue there is one legitimately funny line in it (okay, the Black Eyed Peas one doesn’t count). As suspect as I am over the benefits of a toothless vampire series like Twilight, I promise no good can come from these two fuckheads continuing to make movies (see Stan Helsing for further evidence).

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Also opening this week:

The Switch
(Sigh) Another romantic comedy with Jennifer Aniston? Sigh. I see that Jason Bateman is in it but I am really going to need him to be more discriminating in acting choices.

Lottery Ticket
Having seen the trailer in front of Inception (twice), this actually look pretty funny. Not Tyler Perry funny but real funny as it reminded me of Friday, not its Chris Tucker-less sequels though.